how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

hmmm, just got a bit of a nasty email from the H. i asked him about extending his alimony payment until i move to a new place which will not open up until november and his response was not so nice. seems he thinks i should know better than to ask him for more support when i know he's upside down financially right now. but, he's the one who wanted to separate, so...i don't know why i need to pay for the choice he made.

he ended it by saying he knew that wasn't how i was trying to come across and that the choices and responsibilites were his to deal with (he said that with a bit of sarcasm, though) and that he hadn't said or done anything else for my bday because he just didn't know what to say or do.

i wanted to fire back an equally scathing email, chew him out for leaving me to begin with, and say something along the lines of HOW DARE YOU even complain to me that you might have to sell the motorcycle and move in with your sister to help me keep making my rent and other debts that you helped me incur before YOU MOVED OUT. but i did not. no, i took a deep breath, i said i hated even asking when i knew he was in a tough spot financially but that he'd made some decisions recently that put both of us in a sticky fiancial situation, but that i wasn't out to point fingers at him or collect money from him that he doesn't have. but...he also didn't HAVE to quit his job last week (which he said he did), and he has a responsibility to support me and continue making the payments he agreed to make to me.

sigh. this is one of those days where i'm just like, just divorce me already so i can move on. i haven't heard much of anything from him lately, so his anger took me by surprise. the last few times we've talked he's been nothing but sad and apologetic. as soon as i question anything outlined in the agreement, the claws come out.