HDWife trying for happier life

[Young at Heart]

So to get back to solutions... I find it extremely irritating to go to bed naked (that's my big hint after a few days of other clothed hints) and to have nothing happen. I am wondering if sleeping somewhere else would help or make things worse? Anyone employ this take away with any success?

...Lol!! I am crystal clear in my intentions. And if my head goes anywhere near his penis he will quickly move away.

First of all, let me congratulate you on fighting for your marriage and trying to make it work.

Have you and your husband talked about "things" that your husband could do that would make you feel loved, besides sexual intercourse or his manually stimulating you to orgasm?

I am a HD guy with "touching" as my primary language of love. Some of the things that my wife can do between our having sexual intercourse includes things like her initiating a makeout session where she arouses me, but denies me orgasm and yet promises to have sex with me later that day or the next morning. This allows me to feel desired, touched, and gets me incredible hot until we complete things.

Similarly, a back, head (the one connected to my ears) or shoulder massage makes me feel great and loved. Even things like putting her head on my chest and running her fingers though my chest hair make me feel loved and desired, or holding each others while naked (lots of warm skin to skin contact) with a promise to each other to not go any farther at that time, make me feel loved and desired.

Another of the things my wife and I discussed was my masturbating while being held and kissed by her as a way of being together at a time of my high need and her LD.

The above are offered as potential solutions (which is where you wanted to refocus this thread). Maybe there is even some kind of role playing fantasy you have that he might be able to participate in that doesn't involve sex but that could provide you with a satisfying erotic experience.

It sounds like you are doing just about everything you can to arouse him and get him to jump out of his LD status. Maybe you need to learn to accept your husband's LD and not take it as a judgment of you and your sexuality. If so maybe you and your husband can figure out things that he is willing to do (i.e. things that he can view as his not being sexual) that satisfy some of your needs (things that you can accept as "sex-like or erotic even if they are not his having sex with you or even if they don't result in an orgasm). The key to such compromise is both of you understanding each others emotional limits and needs. ....And to accept each other, to forgive each other and value each other for who they are.

In a Gottman seminar my wife and I took, two of the recommendations were that (1) partners should not try to negotiate a compromise until they can fully explain the problem or conflict from their partner's perspective, as well or better than their partner and that (2) some gridlock issues in marriage are never going to be completely solved and the best you can do if you want to stay married is to find something that will work for both of you yet may not be totally what each wants.

Because you are trying so hard and because you indicated that your husband "gave" you what you needed, I think the two of you value each others needs and your marriage (even though you clearly have an LD/HD relationship).

Good luck to you.