I think I know her well enough that it's not about the OM. It's just hard because I know that we've been trying to work on our problems in the wrong way for a while now, and as much as I want to just tell her that, while I know my opinion is the only one, I just don't feel comfortable with a divorce knowing that I was so wrapped up in trying to make her fall in love with me and she was trying to make herself feel things for me again instead of us just getting out and having fun and see if things happened naturally like they did at first and that's why things really never got better. . .Like I said, I know we took each other for granted and stopped building our relationship. It just took something like this for me to finally realize it. But, I can't tell her that because it just pushes her away and I don't know how to make her start thinking about things like that on her own.
But, I can't tell her that because it just pushes her away and I don't know how to make her start thinking about things like that on her own.
Scott, you can't "make" someone think ANYTHING. All you can do is lay out your own needs, live your own life, and speak to them consistently in their love language and hope they come to the right conclusions.
As men, this is very difficult for us to grasp, as we are natural "fixers" and problem-solvers.
No, I have grown to understand that. That's why I have really backed off trying to push my opinions down her throat. I know I can't make her see things my way.
I don't think the frustration is "getting them to see things our way", but rather that we know that they aren't really taking our position for consideration at all.
That's true. And the fact that she's talking to this other person does nothing but cloud any thoughts about what I've said. It's hard knowing how wrapped up and consumed she is with this other guy online.
Well, we had a one sided conversation at lunch. We chit chatted for a bit about Conan's new show and a few other things. But, since she came out and said she reached out this morning and said she didn't know what to do about us, I decided to really use the opportunity to say something. So, I told her that I was going to keep doing what felt right, that I wasn't going to give up on us or walk away. That she needs to really think about her feelings and figure out if they're real or if they're misguded because she's been hurt and frustrated that what she's been doing hasn't been working, and then we could take it from there. I don't really know if forcing her to think about all of that is a good idea considering her mental state right now. Then again, she pretty mch gave me the feeling like what I was saying went in one ear and out the other. I don't plan to talk to her for the rest of the work day and I'll probably stay a little later at the office before going home, maybe it'll give her time to think, maybe it'll just be more free time for her and him online.
So, I told her that I was going to keep doing what felt right, that I wasn't going to give up on us or walk away. That she needs to really think about her feelings and figure out if they're real or if they're misguded because she's been hurt and frustrated that what she's been doing hasn't been working, and then we could take it from there.
