Spouse Suffering From Depression

[awest1217]

So sorry things are going bad. I am going to say what I think and you can take it or leave it. I think H is running all over you and you are allowing it. It is one thing for him to say he feels distant, but to say he can't count on you is ridiculous. He is the one you can't count on and if he wants to cut you out, maybe it is time to cut him out. Don't respond to texts or anything for a while. Don't D, but go super dark. He doesn't pay child support, sees S sporadically at most, never plans stuff with you until the last minute. You need to start planning a bunch of outings or little things and if H says he wants to do something say he can join you, but you aren't going to change plans for him. If he wants to do stuff with you or S, he needs to plan ahead (yes he deserves to see S, but he needs to give you prior notice or stick to a schedule).

Second, I think there is OW. I hate to say it and I am sure it is going to hurt, but the way he is talking is like there is someone else in the picture. Someone else he is comparing you to. I am not saying there is definitely one, but his "boundaries" at his new place, feeling distant, now going off on how you aren't there for him. I would day there is OW and it is probably one that has already been around. Someone is feeding him stuff or he is twisting his therapists words, but I would almost put money on OW.

Don't go searching to see because it will hurt you more. Now it is time for you to decide with his current actions what do you want to do? What is best for Lucky and S? Maybe it is time to talk to a L and see what would happen in a D with S. Since H hasn't ever spent consistent time with him his whole life, you may be surprised H isn't entitled to as much. It just may be time to look into the other side. Not that you are going to do it, but so you are aware of your options and ready in case H goes there. Sit down and really think about what is best for you and the progress that has been made. He has made quite a bit of progress, but what boundaries have you set. It is not ok for him to talk to you that way.

Sorry this weekend stunk.