W still wants separation, need to DB more

[OfficerInNeed]

I had another thread going in the A section of the forum. The A appears to be busted now I need to focus on DBing.

Quick history
W wants separation/divorce after years of verbal, mental abuse and controlling behavior. We have been together for 10 years and W said it has gone on for the full 10 years. I took her for granted and made her feel unappreciated. We still had great times and never imagined life without each other. My W loved me unconditionally and just hoped one day I would change. Shortly after we got married she realized that things remained the same so she wants out of the marriage. Now my W feels as if 'she wasted 10 years of her life', 'we got married for all the wrong reasons' and my wife has told me 'I love you but I am not in love with you' , 'too little too late'

Currently we still live together. I have been DBing for a little over 2 months. We have come a long way but her mind is still set on leaving. We had some backslides in the process as well the most recent 04/08, 04/09 where she had told me 'it's over and there is nothing you can do' , 'my first step to happiness is changing my name' , 'all the changes you made is a front', 'you don't know the real me only who you wanted me to be' , 'It will take a lot for me to trust you again' and my W even did a search on how to remove her name from the mortgage.

As of now my W is waiting for the day she can move out and is counting down the days. The situation is, her father is currently remodeling a home where he will reside and my W will occupy the upstairs apartment. There is no set date but when the apartment is finished she will be gone and the process of separation will begin. There has been a set back with father's GF being in the hospital, somethings have been put on hold as a result and may buy me a little more time but I don't have much time left.

Throughout our sitch it has been a roller coaster. Some days feeling like we can make it. My W have become notorious for leading me to believe there is a future by speak future tense and once she realizes what she had said, she would flip it and say something suggesting she is leaving.


I have learned not to talk about the future and try not to pursue her.

Issues I had:
- Controlling
- Verbally abusive
- Neglected W feelings
- Anger problems
- Took her for granted
- Lack of appreciation

How I helped myself:
- Took anger management course
- Read text books on anger management
- Gone to therapy to help with controlling behavior
- Have found faith
- discovered what it means to love someone unconditionally
- I have gained a whole new outlook on life, love and marriage
and there is nothing I want more than to reconcile with my W

I have an appt. with a DB coach this afternoon but I can use all the help I can get and thank you to all those who contributed to the other thread.