I really don't know what I'm going to do. I want to just shake her and tell her to snap out of it! seperation isn't easy due to the fact that we carpool. We work near each other and because of the fact that she let her license expire and never renewed it.
I want to just shake her and tell her to snap out of it!
Hmmm, not much of a "plan."
What do you want to accomplish? Are you still trying to save your marriage, or just minimize the pain and conflict on the way out? At a minimum, I'd suggest you lay out (and enforce) some boundaries during this time, as it's going to gnaw at your gut for her to carry on like this in your own home (altho, to her credit, she did take the call outside).
Yeah, I know that's not the best plan. Just what I wish I could do. Yes, I do really want to save our marriage. I can finally see the things that we had been doing wrong. The taking our relationship for granted, stopped actually working on us and just being comfortable with the norm, not living up to our potential. I know all of these things led to this emotional disconnect that she feels. And I know she still loves me and at least still has feelings for me. I just know she's really confused about all of this. She even said that she knows her wanting to meet this guy is wrong. About the boundaries. . .during our separate rooms time, I happened to walk in at times and find her talking or webcaming with him and said that it wasn't going to work like this if she was there. I had even asked her to stop talking to him for a few days or a week while she was figuring things out. There was one night, where I asked if she would just not talk to him the next day, after a big argument, until we were able to sit down and really talk. I left and a few minutes later, heard her talking, went in and found her on the phone with him. Her reason. . .because I said tomorrow, not tonight.
About the boundaries. . .during our separate rooms time, I happened to walk in at times and find her talking or webcaming with him and said that it wasn't going to work like this if she was there. I had even asked her to stop talking to him for a few days or a week while she was figuring things out. There was one night, where I asked if she would just not talk to him the next day, after a big argument, until we were able to sit down and really talk. I left and a few minutes later, heard her talking, went in and found her on the phone with him. Her reason. . .because I said tomorrow, not tonight.
And how did you handle that situation? What were the consequences for her violating your boundary?
Not really. I told her that I had enough and I wanted her out. She argued that since it's her house too, she wasn't going anywhere. We started arguing about divorce and dividing up things. She said that she just felt something was missing and she had tried everything and just couldn't make it happen. I stormed out and a little later, she came to bed wanting to cuddle. That night, when she asked, I flat out said no and just went to sleep. I know that every thing I had been doing over the past week or so did nothing but push her further towards opening up to this guy and also make her feel like she can get away with it and control the situation.
ALSO, I just got an email from her that just said Hello. I replied back Hi. Her next one just said, I don't know what to do. How do I respond?
ALSO, I just got an email from her that just said Hello. I replied back Hi. Her next one just said, I don't know what to do. How do I respond?
CAREFUL. Don't let this turn into you becoming her "gay boyfriend" role to listen to her OM problems and be her ear on her waywardness. I would respond "What do you mean?" and then just LISTEN. Coach's "How can I help?" is always a good response, but if the "help" that she wants violates your own boundaries of personal integrity, then you're going to have to tell her so.
