Turning to you for hope with WAH

[TrentC]

I've been back and forth on the MLC thing...he's had some classic signs...bought a convertible, lost a ton of weight, is really into the way he looks, has been reflecting on his life, and talking a lot to his female co-worker.

I would definitely check in on the MLC forum then.

I've been working on this for 11 months -- check out my story at the link at the start of this thread (not all the right way that's for sure but definitely for a large chunk of time)! I think that's why ppl are starting to tell me to move on... I am in this for the long haul but at what point do i need to get a clue?

When you are ready to move on.

People are going to tell you to move on because they don't want to see you hurting any more. But they don't have to live with the consequences of your decisions; you do.

Main complaints are that I wasn't a good wife in the beginning. I took away his confidence and basically didn't listen to him. He says he tried to be a good husband (which no doubt he was) and I basically didn't get it and treated him badly. Also, that I wasn't there as a support to him...he didn't feel like he could come to me with anything w/o feeling like he might "get in trouble" or be "judged." Do I see what he's saying, yes! So much so...it eats away at me. The issue with that complaint, though, is that it's like 5 years old! I have since changed SO much and very genuinely. Other complaints that he has voiced are not being decision maker, neglecting him, being too concerned about finances, etc. All those things too...I've changed. I don't want this to come off as self-centered but I know I'm a good wife now. I'm loving, respectful, give him attention, admiration and appreciation, take care of the house, look attractive, etc. My 180s have been to be a fascinating woman (not sure if anyone here has read fascinating womanhood).

If you have changed to the degree you say you have and he still doesn't see it and doesn't want to change, then he's either involved with someone else or possibly in the throes of midlife crisis. (Or possibly both.)

If it is an MLC, then you have a hell of a rollercoaster ride in front of you, because there's not really much you can do to snap him out of it. It's an internal process that MLCers have to work through on their own, and not everyone makes it out. You can see success stories in the MLC forum where they were waiting for years for their spouses to come around.

I would come back to this: stop worrying about him for a while. You still live together, and he knows where to find you if he wants to talk.