I agree with Puppy and you Allen, he needs to have me be firm… but I have to do it in a loving way. I have to be the BBD right now. I have to consider what form this will take carefully. If I am too forceful, he’ll see it as me being controlling and proof that he was right and it will push him further out the door. If I’m too kind and loving, he’ll see me as a doormat and cake eat me to death.
So here then is Lesson #1:
No longer are you to operate from a basis of "What will he do if I do/say thus-and-such? How will he react? Will he be ANGRY? How will his reaction make ME feel?" Instead, in every situation, begin to operate from a stance of "What is THE RIGHT THING TO DO in this situation? What is the thing that God Himself would have me do, if He were standing right in front of me?"
And let your husband's reaction be secondary. What is "The Right Thing to Do," and what is EFFECTIVE -- those should be your two yardsticks. Not co-dependent, enmeshed attitudes of "I mustn't make him angry." Once you learn to do this, you will find it VERY liberating!
