Thanks kml. I am thrilled you are here and reading--you were/are the "DB Queen" and I would seek out all your advise because you were just SO GOOD!!

(your next R is going to be awesome--don't you just KNOW it!!!)

One thing I can tell you from my experience with "The Ranter", is, they DON'T remember it later. So I'm totally not surprised he didn't remember saying what he said later. Mine has told me to do things during "the rant" and then later when I'm doing it, asking me why I'm doing that!! Sheesh!

OK--well today's rant came, and went.lol. He got me in the car!! the stinker! I hope I didn't look too amused, but he is hysterical the way he just HAS to get off his chest how horrible I am.

H HATES for me to leave as well. But the counselor told me, in FRONT of him, to leave and that he shouldn't be doing this. So he knows....

Well, I did good anyway. (God, I love detachment!!) I said my "script" several times, and he seemed calmer than in the past (course, he was driving.) He doesn't get "loving", but it does seem to help him get something off his chest. He acted pretty Ok when we got home.

I think if my own LL was anything but "Words of Affirmation", this would't be quite so painful. But "words" it is, and it is almost unbearable what he says. In the past I have been wrecked for hours, even days, afterwards.

He once told me I never got him any nice gifts for his B-day or Xmas. I was so stunned I couldn't speak and was a complete mess for DAYS thinking back all the stuff I'd gotten him. I plan for WEEKS what to get him. He gets more than my S gets for Xmas!!

Now, I have done some research outside of this site, and there is a Narcissism site that I got all my scripts from that explains a lot about anger, your reaction, their reasons for using it (makes a weak person feel strong). By beating me down, he will make me ? not leave him? God, it is convoluted! But yeah--something like that.

And MY emotional maturity is also very key to this dynamic. I have to quickly get to a place of peace and calm--walks outside, listening to music, eat bananas (! I have ALWAYS been a banana fan!lol). There are lots of them, but this has given me permission to go ride my horse without guilt. Which, I am going to do after I post this update!! I actually can pull myself together, knowing I don't have to "suffer for my sins" so to speak.

So all in all, even though he was especially nasty ( Goodness, what did he say this time that was a Zinger--look how good I did--I forgot what he said!!! JUST like HE TOTALLY FORGETS LATER!!!), I did well. Yeah me! (you know, I probably forgot because I was SO busy in my head remembering my scripts.lol)

And I held my ground about renting out the property we have. He wants to sell it. I told him absolutely I will not agree to this as long as our relationship is this disfunctional. I told him what I needed in him for us to get back on track--which was a big 180 for me. (go to church, have sex with me more than 10 times a year, once a week is what I asked for but I made the point to tell him we had it less than 10 times last year, and our communication had to follow the "rules" our counselor gave us).

Can he actually do this? I don't know. He didn't seem scared away though...

He said something later about "I'm not going to be doing ....if you are leaving" and I said I am NOT leaving--I am doing everything the counselor told me to do and THEN some."

So, I'm going to have a lovely ride (OMG it is gorgeous out) and then get back to my "list".

Being with an Acts of Service person SO SUCKS sometimes!!lol.