Moving on with my life #2

[bright_new_day]

Way to go! It is hard, but you will both get through the weaning. And you will feel better abiot life when you are getting more sleep.

[Startingover2]

Thank you BND..her little voice is a bit raspy today from all the crying. I really hope we don't have a really long night tonight too!

[bright_new_day]

It will probably be a bit rough for a few nights. But the sleeping stretches will get longer and before you kow it she will be sleeping all lnight. Stay strong and do what you have to do to get through.

[Startingover2]

Another night done! Got a bit better. She only woke up once between 9 and 3...then about every hour or so after that, but I held it together and just soothed her back to sleep. Her little voice is almost gone today though. I didn't think she cried that much.


Not happy with this rain today! I got my backyard all summer ready (put up umbrella, covers off furniture outside, etc.) because the weather was so nice and with this stupid storm and the wind my umbrella up and landed in the neighbors yard, broken!

Exh did something stupid yesterday and he looks like an idiot. He doesn't like people talking about him so he made up a lie that he had a hot date Saturday night, told the few right people, and it spread...even got to me. Yes, it bugged me. I can't help it. Sad thing is it all blew up in his face. He said he made it up to see who was 'trustworthy and sh** talkers'. He is one sick man. I told him if you don't like people talking about you don't live the lifestyle you are! Plain and simple.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey, even though some dentists think it's from breastfeeding, I would read this article.

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct02p164.html

here's an excerpt from it..

More information comes from two different studies in which researchers compared the effects of modern-day artificial baby milk (formula) and human milk on some factors believed to contribute to dental caries. Their studies showed vital differences between human milk and most formulas. First, they found that human milk does not significantly lower the pH in the mouth, while almost all brands of artificial baby milk did. The bacteria that is thought to significantly contribute to decay, Streptococcus mutans (S. mutans) thrives in a low pH. Second, most formulas supported significant bacterial growth, while human milk supported only moderate bacterial growth. Third, formulas were found to dissolve tooth enamel (the outer layer of teeth), while human milk actually deposited calcium and phosphorus into enamel (a process known as remineralization). Researchers also concluded that human milk is not cariogenic (does not cause cavities) unless another source of carbohydrates is available for bacteria to feed on. Most artificial baby milk formulas tested were cariogenic (Erickson 1999).

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Exh did something stupid yesterday and he looks like an idiot. He doesn't like people talking about him so he made up a lie that he had a hot date Saturday night, told the few right people, and it spread...even got to me. Yes, it bugged me. I can't help it. Sad thing is it all blew up in his face. He said he made it up to see who was 'trustworthy and sh** talkers'. He is one sick man. I told him if you don't like people talking about you don't live the lifestyle you are! Plain and simple.

that is silly. well, it only makes him look bad

[Startingover2]

Thanks ST...I will read the whole article after this.

Just got back from dentist with baby. She has 7 cavities. 4 on the front teeth and 3 in the back. He said its probably a combination of the night nursing and just how her teeth are. Some teeth are more resiliant to the sugars etc. Hers are not. They will be putting her under to fix these in May. They will do a good cleaning, xrays and sealants that day too. It will be quite costly out of pocket for exh and I and he was crying the 'im broke' blues when I told him. I told him he has till the middle of May to figure out his half which should be right around $800. I will struggle with it too. I know he is going to want me to help him or front the money and pay me back....NO WAY! I am not Bank of America! He should have thought about this stuff when he couldn't keep his thing in his pants!

He is acting stupid and lame. A real baby. Whatever. Buck up jerk!

[Startingover2]

Wow...looks like another MIA for exh. He has not seen baby for a week now. The last 3 visit times he hasn't called or texted to say he wasnt coming either. All because he did some dumb things that went public and he 'acts' like he is mad at me and withdrawing. Way to go exh...you will show me (through your daughter).

[Startingover2]

Another FB friend bites the dust. Can't say a friend, more of a long time ago aquaintance. I knew there was a rumor awhile back that her and exh were 'seeing eachother' when she was still living with her district attorney boyfriend, but I noticed when he was with MGF he unfriended her. Now he is her friend again and is making comments on her photos. She had one up of her in high school in a skimpy bikini. Why? Strange. Probably wanted attention. But anyway, people were making funny comments and I noticed exh had made one "You looking f*ing hot!". YUCK! He is gross! The man has no bottom! I unfriended her so I wouldn't have to see his comments!

Last night I went to my moms for dinner. She lives in a community where exh's sister lived and is in the process of moving from there to another place. Anyway, when we were there I saw exh drive by with a load of her crap in his truck. Soooo....exh decided to help his sister move instead of seeing his daughter that he has not seen in a week! Wow! Priorities!

Then last night when I was putting baby to bed, which is still a little process my phone rang and it was exh. I didn't answer. Then the house phone. Then my cel again. Then a text 'what the he**! You aren't answering." Seriously! He can't be bothered to make his visit time or even let me know he wasn't coming, but yet when he wants to get ahold of me he is pissed he can't! I got baby to bed and texted back 'was putting her to bed. She is fine' He said 'ok, give her a kiss for me'. I didn't respond!

Do you think he was always this delusional about life and I didn't notice, or I wonder if he is getting worse? Either the patterns and behaviors are getting more and more out of control or he kept them at bay!

Off to MOPS this morning.

[25yearsmlc]

S2,
Get a helmet on honey b/c here comes a big 2 x 4...
First, who knows if he was always this way and you hungrily lapped up the attention of a younger man or a guy who was nice to the kids or he's now an alcoholic or was before but it was latent, or a genetic mutation just flared up or he has a brain tumor but was cute??, etc.. How does it truly matter? What diff does it make? At some level he's continually repeatedly making terrible choices. That is ALL that matters. I think you believe the label attached will mean he may come back but he's bad news anyhow.

Second, The level and number of change(s) that this man would need to make, to be a good loving healthy partner for you and the child you have...um, is it realistic to believe it's even remotely possible? I am all for hope and forgiveness, but the one thing I strongly feel in your case especially...is if there is ANY chance of a recon, it would be by detaching from this toxic man, and if there is NO chance of a recon, you'd be better off that much sooner, by detaching.....so yeah, to me, this is pretty dang simple. DETACH...

Third, as I said before, the times' your former h is not with the baby, are Godsends...don't analyze or choose to feel hurt yet again by this, instead say "Thank God!" and be done. And go ahead and keep a record of it -so your unrealistic (BUT understandable) fears of him getting baby full time, are that much LESS likely ever to come true...maybe you'll feel empowered by recording all the times he doesn't show up rather than hurt yet again.

If you take some control of your life back, you will feel empowered. Don't wait around endlessly for him to keep on NOT showing up. Just inform him by text or in writing in some form, that you will remain there for 15 min or whatever reasonable time frame exists and then you have to go. Why do YOU have to be there when he has baby time? B/C it's supervised? That's crazy. Why do YOU have to be sentenced to no free time b/c HE is being punished?

Have a 3rd person you trust (or that the state hires) there at those times, even if it's your mom or d18 so you don't have to keep on making yourself available to him. You can involve the state or county. Tell them it's NOT safe or healthy for you two to be around each other, OR since the court gave him some limited visitation but mandated it be supervised- (which you agree with by the way) but ask for their help. Why do YOU get screwed by their punishing/monitoring HIM? They want baby to be safe, great. But what if you were working full time? Oh, wouldn't HE have to make some arrangements!!
Gee, what would that be like?
I mean, I suspect he'll either never show up at all--NOT A BAD THING all in all b/c a lousy dad is worse than no dad and I know this from experience, OR he'll always show up (NOT likely but NOT bad either) but either way, you'll get to live your life. (OMG WHAT WOULD THAT BE LIKE???) The way you are doing this, you are creating an excuse to be stuck and victimized by him even longer. There's something..."self inflicted" about this that I don't get.

And why oh why do you read his comments on FB? I am married and consider my m to be relatively healthy these days. I have no idea who my h's fb "friends" are or what his comments to them are. The only thing I ever cared about was that we both declared ourselves "married" and that's it. I don't read his stuff and he doesn't read mine (that I know of. Maybe he has a few times but God knows I am SO not interested in what his work buddies or old friends are saying about the world or politics or their high school days. It's just NOT part of my world. It's his world and if something important comes up, we tell each other. I share funny stories or news I learn on fb just as I do from our mail, but frankly, it would bother me if my h read the comments my gf's send to me privately or read my mail. They talk about their problems and they are not any of my h's business, just as my comments to my gf's about my m, or my private dreams of the future, do NOT ALL have to be shared with my h.

Sometimes our friends are there for us in a way that our spouses cannot be. My h lost his mother a few weeks ago and I've tried hard to be there for him. But there are choices he and his brother made that I strongly disagreed with regarding her estate and funeral, But I get that IT"S NOT MY BUSINESS or within my "sandbox" so I kept those thoughts to myself and shared them only with one sister of mine. See, not every single thought we have, needs to be disclosed. I just needed to vent, but knew that my h did not need to hear it. Make sense?

Leave some or all of this alone. Besides, Your EX h is your EX...not your partner in anything (& barely is a father to your d).
And now you "unfriended" this woman?? (which she'll figure out eventually so you can add some more drama to all this silliness) all b/c your FORMER husband commented on a photo of hers or friended her and unfriended her and friended her again?? I mean, who has time for this? He can date who he wants to date and say what he wants....he is not your h. It is NOT a reflection on you, but on him... Gov Sanford's EX wife said that her h's A with the woman from ARgentina was not humiliating to her b/c it was not a reflection on HER but on HIM...I loved that comment. She was hurt for their children, but not b/c of HER self esteem taking a hit. So, Please be kinder to yourself.

STOP THIS...he's not your h anymore. You are not being healthy to keep staring at this stuff and letting it get to you so much. Why do you torture yourself with the FB stuff? I think you might want to ask yourself why you still read your divorced husband's comments to or about others...
[/color]

You need to go back to GAL, perhaps get a job, anything so you can stop focussing SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY ON WHAT HE IS DOING OR NOT DOING....seriously, look at your posts here. Look at your life. Most of what you write is either how baby is doing or, more likely, what your FORMER h is doing ...

you need to be the main character in the "book" of your life. Start now. Take charge of your life & happiness, b/c NO ONE ELSE WILL...ever....
Please, I know you have it in you.
j-