Laura - Sorry about your H's rants. Mine wasn't bad, but would occasionally get worked up, and he HATED it if I walked out of the room. He was the kind of guy, he'd get all his bad feelings out, then he'd feel better and want to be close. But I would feel slimed by all his ugly feelings. Ugh.
I'd say it was fifty-fifty in our case - I definitely am argument-avoidant, it makes me feel really insecure. But his pressured need to tell me whatever it was at the time, was also a bit off.
And it's hard to forget some of the things they say, isn't it? My H once accused me of practicing quack medicine while he was on one of his rants. Later he denied saying it, and he often refers patients to me, lol!
I think you're doing the right thing, though, setting limits on that behavior.
