If you have nothing to hide, why do you have to hide something? She may have a point.
I kept in contact with OM and OMW. She told me if I did she would leave bit I felt it was necessary to do so. She would not accept the fact I was doing it to protect our marriage because to her there is no marriage. She views it as "you talk to him/her so why can't I talk to him?" Which would lead her to pursue OM more. I since have stopped talking to each but there are past logs. She told me right out, if I go through all the logs and see you talked to her just once I will find someplace to stay and leave"
Luckily at the time the most recent logs were not posted, but they are now. If she sees them it would be that much harder/worse for our marriage and reconciliation.
OIN, she really is spinning things. Like they say, in the battle you are in with her at this stage - "the one who cares least wins". Winning is issuance of the most damage. Thats the phase she's in, a "revenge" phase, a "power" phase. It has nothing to do with love.
If you can find a way to "knock" her out of the mentality without touching her, that will be in your advantage.
Also whenever you feel you are "beating yourself up", I found it was a good time to go for a walk, a run or go to the gym. It will flip that emotion and you can work it out.
