PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY MARRIAGE!

[Deep]

DCB, hi, I'm popping by just to add some incidental thoughts. Do read other threads to find out more and look out for the sterling advice of some vets here. Coach, PDT, and Greek are immensely helpful IMO.

You're suffering now. The good news is that it can get better in the long term; the bad news is it will probably get a lot worse before it gets better.

Reading the post by Trying up there, I have this to add: Remember the person your W was and how you fell in love and shared a life together? Well, she's gone. GO sit down somewhere and START to fully understand and then accept that and what it means. OM or not, that person is gone. It's replaced by someone who may have some distant memory like what yours may tell you, but with very different feelings, aims, and directions right now, many of which will run counter to yours. Trying asked you to remember what YOU were like? Well, I would say just think about what a perfect man / husband looks like, someone no woman will want to walk away from, and where you may fall short, what you can do to get nearer that ideal - and do it for YOU.

Not for W. For YOU. As for W, do you think this new entity in your W's body deserves your undying love? If someone other than your W treated you and your family with blatant disrespect, what would you do?

You may have messed up stuff in your M before, you may have weaknesses; we all do. But you have worth, and value. Never forget that. I've come to see that too many times, LBS do not realise that the first thing they need to do is to re-claim their self-respect. When they get thrown into the hell that only a WAS can inflict on a partner, LBS often lose all perspective and the sense of who they are; and their subsequent actions only serves to reinforce the the fog of the WAS. What would a compassionate but firm man of value do when his wife loses her mind and starts behaving like an alien?

For what it's worth, I'll add in my 2 cents that an OM seems likely. Yeah it sucks, but better to face that than to live in denial. It took me ages (relatively) to even allow the thought in my sitch and that only made it that much worse.

Good luck - many would be silently supporting and rooting for you and your M.