Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

Journaling.

Another 'normal' day. No tension/stress. W and D16 went shopping for a prom dress and S12 had his first spring-league basketball game.

Just before bed W told me she would need the money by Wed to secure her rental. I am not suprised because during the week she told me this and had also said she would be telling the kdis she is moving out (was going to tell them by today), but she didn't say anything to the kids so I have a feeling she is taking MILs (and my) advice to not move out until summer. She talked to MiL friday and it may have put a stop to it.

When she asked for the money I was totally cooperative and didn't act like I cared one bit. She told me how much she had on hand to put towards it and asked if I could help with the rest, etc. I could have gotten irritated and told her to find the money somewher else but I just don't feel like it. I just asked her questions about the exact dollar amount needed and didn't express any emotion, just a matter-of-fact conversation like if we were discussing paying a regular bill.

The attitude I project is that her moving out doesn't matter - it is a done deal and I am moving on. I didn't ask her when she would be moving, where the place is located, or anything else.

However, in the back of my mind I am thinking that waiting until summer has other benefits other than delaying the impact on the kids:

a) There are a couple of very important and unique family milestones/events coming up that we will be participating in - S18 HS graduation and big party, D16s first Prom, D16s confirmation. These could make her start to have doubts about breaking up her family.

b) After the turmoil over the past 3 months I feel like I have finally calmed down and detached. There has been a lot of turoil over OM and our mediation appointments and I feel like I really don't care anymore. Being detached in this way will create the best possible environment between us and during these important events. I don't expect to get in another argument over OM or any other activites. If I don't check up on her I don't know about OM anyway, and I don't feel like checking anymore.

c) I am getting in great shape and will probably look better than I have looked in many years over the next few months. I got in shape last hear but a lot was from the 'LBS diet'. However, I am taking it to a new level now. This will help my confidence and I have to admit I want to look as good as ever within the next two months to make her and everyone else question how she could leave someone that looks great, etc. It is interesting how motivating this is for me - it is kind of weird but what the heck its working.

d) Things are going fantastic at work for me. I am making a huge difference and my biggest ally/supporter in the company was just named CEO. Again, confidence is high, and I expect more money to come in.

e) Summer is a tough time to move for other reasons - we have a great house for summer with a pool and nice backyard and W likes using our community's pool to swim laps (it is olympic sized) and kids have lots to do at home during the long summer days. It may be a break in that if she begins to get doubts about her direction having to leave in summer could be a deal-killer for her. When I had questioned her about "Why now?" before one of her reasons was she wanted to be out BEFORE summer.

f) Also, it could tweak OM a little as well - I know he has probably worked on her to get her to move out so if she doesn't right away after telling him she was it may tweak him. God knows I ahve tried to get under his skin myself and it has basically backfired.

It is funny, but for a strange reason if she is not leaving now is mildly disappointing (good for my kids however) - I was kind of looking forward to her not being around and making the house my own. I am turning into a WAS in a small way I guess. I see good coming out of her leaving.

All of the above are contributing to a relaxed, confident, detatched attitude I believe and W will notice the changes. Having her stick around until summer (if that actually happens) may give our M the last and best chance possible.

In fact, after our nice weekend and calm conversation about her needing the money for the rental tonight she said 'goodnight' before leaving the room - she hasn't done that in a while (I have told her on many occasions).

Now i just need to 'date'!