Mariage Row or Marriage Bliss?

[june72]

Well. This thread isn't starting off so good. Had a R talk. Didn't have a choice because I can't shake my waivering hope off my face. I need a mask~

Told her:
- I'm having a big problem with the after 6mo I'll divorce you threat she's got. I need time to deal with the problems she and I both want solved for good. Let it go for now. You really think that you can not stop your porn habit in 6 months? Really? Ouch, do you get that it hurts her, a lot?
- Realized today that my fears are keeping me from making the commitment needed for our M No, one has ever had success repairing a marriage if they are going to be ruled by fears. What fears are you talking about?
- I find it so hard to be looking at houses that should be for a happy life together when I am worried she'll D any day Why are you making this unilateral decision, She is not interested in bying a house now. Does her opinion on the matter not count? I am confused?- I want to trust her, but I can't do that when she's reading my notes from our marriage follow up meetings for Retrouvaille and when I'm afraid that she'll misunderstand them as has happened many times in the last few months. Listen, deal with it. She has every right to look at your notes and question you on them. A marriage is about openess. If she asks questions or misundertands something you calmly explain things to her. What could she totally misinterpret? - I am afraid that being honest with her means that I will admit to viewing and adult site and that she'll D me or at least make the next 24 hours for me like a small hell on earth. You will never repair this marriage without honestly. There must be a support group for spouses of someone with a porn addiciton or any addiction. If she is exducated on relapses she may be less distruaght. But the issue at hand is that you have to stop.




She is having a big problem with accepting me because she thinks if I do it I'm choosing the pornography over her & the kids. I'm not. I can't believe I have done this, but I'm addicted. It's like a drug I told her, but no matter the example, she doesn't get it. I don't really get it either, but I accept that I've done all the things to stop that should've worked and failed. So I need help. And time.

Result of our 2+ hour conversation? I told her I would be considering separating in the house fully & completely until either 6 months have passed in which case she's planning to divorce me anyhow, I have solved my problem (very unlikely, IC and doc expect a year+), or she has decided to accept me and give me the time I need. I told her that maybe having our love partly kindled and then cutting myself out of it might make it possible for her to evaluate and realize that she can just choose to accept me. THIS IS WRONG, you should work on building you live and not more talk about D and serperation scenerios, got it? She is possibly Ding you based on your behavior and actions, don't you get that. YOu have to power to affect the results here. I see a lots of excues.

I don't think I can separate, though. I don't want to and I'm so afraid it will make things worse. I'm very good at making things in my M worse, but I know that doing nothing will result in nothing.

Now that is a really smart and wise statement. Nothing will result in nothing. You've got it.