Messed up

[jt2007]

Having another difficult day.
I called this morning he said he wasnt in a good mood would talk later. I wished him well and said goodbye.

He called later. Apologized for the morning conversation and said he couldnt "see me" (couldnt "sleep" with me anymore, which means I guess he wont initiate anymore if I come over ).
He said he had nightmares about jail everytime I came over, then he started crying )why cant he get over this..or is it an excuse ???

He said he was also having a difficult time with our kids and he was tired of being the referee and them not doing what he asks. (Hummm sounded familiar) Told him in matter of fact way the it was difficult.

He said he just wanted me to listen not give anything. OKK.. So I let him go on.

He said he had only been doing this for 2months and hasnt had time to get a handle on it..OKKK

He wanted to start doing something other than trying to get the kids to do their chores and homework..like put them in a sport.
UMM ...okkk.
(they have a Y membership...and judo classes...boyscouts..girlscouts available to go to...uMMM OKKK)

He said in order for him to feel better he would just have to start doing more to stay busy(instead of confronting the issues he is having).

He said he would be going to the gym more

get more work projects so I could stay at the house with the kids and he could have a break (sounds stressful for him..dont think its a good thing but didnt say it),

fix up the house more, and do more stuff with the kids.
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I did follow my rule and told him was doing a great job going to the gym and that he would look great and feel great if he continuted.
He made some vauge comment and said he would talk to me later.
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So what I got out of todays conversation was that I still am the one causing all the turmoil and he is blaming me for everything so doesnt want to "see me" again.

He is having a difficult time dealing with the kids, but is trying different ways to come up with other soulutions.
ITS ABOUT HIM!
One soulution :
That includes me taking over / kind of passive agressive on his part I believe. Instead of confronting that I realy am the "mom " that took care of it all...and acknowledging ME.

last: That he called me to VENT and not that what I have to say really makes any difference.

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I did a "test the attitude" call to say "goodnight".
He didnt answer...I didnt call back.
Few min later he called back.
Hello...how was the day, OK got the lawnmower to working condition.
There was dead air and long silence and tension...I think he had been in the middle of doing something on the computer or talking to someone befoe he called back.
Could feel that he was on edge and realy didnt want me on the phone.(not sure why he even called back)

I didnt want to open anything..so nothing much to say, small bs about the kids getting to bed.
Told him I hope he had a good night.
Goodbye

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Im not realy understanding the "DETACH" part of this.
How much interaction do you give I dont want to just stop contact all the way or cut off any kind of feeling.

What does detach actually mean? Everything seems like it means move on and go away. Leave everything alone and just concentreate on myself.
Im not trying to do that I want to get back in graces someway....

Confused..