How to approach W about OM

[OfficerInNeed]

I kept in contact with OM and OMW. She told me if I did she would leave bit I felt it was necessary to do so.

And you wonder why she considers you "controlling"? "To save your marriage" is a cop-out.

She would not accept the fact I was doing it to protect our marriage because to her there is no marriage.

And why should there be? Why do you get to keep secrets from her but she doesn't get to keep them from you? Why should she ever believe that you are willing to trust her again when you so obviously don't?

I was dishonest to her but only because I knew it would destroy all hope if she felt as if I was still controlling her or the situation.

That's because you are trying to control her; you can't build a healthy relationship on lies and mistrust. At some point, you have to choose to trust her again.

She's already unfriended you on Facebook and removed all of your friends. How much more damage are you going to do in the name of saving your R before it's too late?

There are reasons why you would have to go way back in the thread to see. I attacked a possible A head on before it became something more. After the confrontation my W still pursued OM. OM, trying to mend his M thought it would be best we stayed in contact, so we did. OMW wanted to stay in contact so we could monitor the situation and we did. Communication has stopped.

As petty as this is getting... My W has not removed me as her friend on facebook, our status is still actually listed as being married to eachother. A status she can easily change if she felt it were necessary.

I am not an expert at DBing I made many mistakes in our R. I am seeking help for my issues. It is a process. I have never experienced this before to know how to respond in certain situations. I only have good intentions. What you say is logical and unfortunately at that time I was not thinking logistical...I am only looking for help to save our marriage