The first lesson is patience. You didn't get into this fix overnight, and you won't be able to repair it overnight. To coin a phrase, fixing your marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
As for goals to focus on -- what are his main complaints about the R to date? Is there anything you can take on as a "180" project?
I would recommend The Divorce Remedy, The Solo Partner as good first reads, with Getting Back Together as a followup; they can give you practical adice you can start working on today.
If you want some other affirmations and bits of sage advice, Michele Weiner-Davis (our esteemed hostess) posts regularly on Facebook and on Twitter. I collect most of the good bits in this thread.
The Five Love Languages, His Needs, Her Needs, and the books by Shaunti Feldhahn are good for learning how to have healthier relationships, learn to meet each others' needs, and communicate better.
Originally Posted By: pandora
it's not in my control...but now what? do i sit back and do nothing, do i keep trying, what do i do???....it's hard for me to just be.
Then that would be an excellent place to start. Learn how to be comfortable as your own person. It can be as simple as doing a little thing just for yourself every day.
Go have lunch out. Go watch a movie that you want to see. Go spend time with friends you haven't seen in a while Pick up a new (or old!) hobby.
A walkaway spouse has decided that their relationship (and the other spouse) is the source of their unhappiness. While that's not fair or true, it doesn't mean that you aren't capable of changing that perception! Your husband may be relieved once you can demonstrate to him that he is not responsible for your happiness or well-being.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
