1. He asks about me every time he sees them. How I'm doing, how I look, am I really playing the cello, etc. 2. He still cries every time he sees them about what's happening. He seems really stressed. 3. He's been attending his weekly therapy faithfully, and wishes he had started it long ago. 4. He has always built a life around/with me, and now he's trying to figure out who he is. He's experimenting with cooking and other things. 5. He's nervous about his parents coming and he wishes we could handle it together. 6. He knows his parents won't understand what he's doing, but it's the way it has to be. 7. He's looking to get a new apartment in a complex where all of his new friends live. (I don't know any of them.)
So. . . it's fairly conflicting info. Some of it seems "good" for reconciliation because he obviously cares about me. At the same time, a lot of it is "good" for separateness forever, because he seems set in it and trying to deal with that reality.
I think I've convinced myself that he'll come around with time. But today, for the first time, I've seriously wondered if he really won't. If he'll look at the baby and run even further away.
I can't wait for him for years, I just can't.
But I think that deep down he can be the partner that I thought he always was. It's frustrating that he has to discover that himself.
I get this kind of info, and I want to take some kind of action. Oh yeah, and he said something about how we don't know what each other is thinking, and that makes it difficult. So do I reach out to communicate? But I'm not interested in that if the aim is not reconciliation! If the aim is to just help him adjust to life without me, then hell no!
So it sucks. I heard that the gifts he sent are practical, like bedding and bath supplies and stuff like that. It still mystifies me. I'm interested to see if he writes a note with the gift.
I'll keep ya'll updated. It's a down evening!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
