How to approach W about OM

[TrentC]

I kept in contact with OM and OMW. She told me if I did she would leave bit I felt it was necessary to do so.

And you wonder why she considers you "controlling"? "To save your marriage" is a cop-out.

She would not accept the fact I was doing it to protect our marriage because to her there is no marriage.

And why should there be? Why do you get to keep secrets from her but she doesn't get to keep them from you? Why should she ever believe that you are willing to trust her again when you so obviously don't?

I was dishonest to her but only because I knew it would destroy all hope if she felt as if I was still controlling her or the situation.

That's because you are trying to control her; you can't build a healthy relationship on lies and mistrust. At some point, you have to choose to trust her again.

She's already unfriended you on Facebook and removed all of your friends. How much more damage are you going to do in the name of saving your R before it's too late?