Possible EA - sitting on the edge

[Puppy Dog Tails]

BWP,

Did you ALREADY separate the finances, and you just now told her that you did, or did you announce that you were GOING to?

If the latter, then I suggest you move quickly. You should never pre-announce this, as someone who is as deep in entitlement as your wife is right now is liable to drain your accounts.

That $500/mo. that you are subsidizing is going to be as much of a "drug" to her as her affair is -- if not more.

Puppy

[BWP]

I understand my ILs position. If my little girl called me to come to her rescue I would come in an instant. I don't know what they've heard about me from W.

I greeted MIL this morning with a kind word and went about my morning ritual.

I did tip my hand on the finances. Less risk than perhaps some as I have daily access to those accounts (I work for the bank).

W is pursuing today - called me this morning. 'I know you can't talk but I want you to know how bad I feel for hurting you'

I didn't get the chance but I wanted to say 'I thought you weren't doing anything, so how could you be hurting me?'

W called me on my cell phone to let me know when she'll be home after work.

I'm sure there will be more coming my way this evening. I'm starting to feel better about last night.

Everyone has said that if it feels wrong it is probably the right thing to do.

[BWP]

W avoided speaking with me yesterday.

I need a follow up as the calling in of the troops prevented me from getting to the next steps with W if she doesn't end A.

I'll update again after this evening.

[BWP]

I'll try and give a quick update. I'm now not sure what I should be doing next. Any thoughts.

I was planning to expose to ILs but they know now because of the Monday night events. W has already twisted me into the crazy guy who recorded her conversations. I blew it a little by interrogating as W denied. The following night I reiterated my boundaries and W just denied some more.

I really don't know what to do next. I have to think something is still going on W is still holding her phone on her at all times and now hiding her laptop.

I asked her to leave but she won't and doesn't have to. I've done the separate finances.

I'm still focusing on GAL and spending time with D but I'm not sure how much longer this limbo can go on

Please feel free to weigh in or ask questions

[BWP]

Anyone out there?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'll try and give a quick update. I'm now not sure what I should be doing next. Any thoughts.

I was planning to expose to ILs but they know now because of the Monday night events. W has already twisted me into the crazy guy who recorded her conversations. I blew it a little by interrogating as W denied. The following night I reiterated my boundaries and W just denied some more.

I really don't know what to do next. I have to think something is still going on W is still holding her phone on her at all times and now hiding her laptop.

BWP,

As I think I stated previously, I think you need to just proceed on the assumption that your wife IS having an affair. There's certainly nothing in her current behavior that would indicate that she's ended it, and I don't see any reason why your lack of voice recordings should change your tactics:

GAL, continue to be "the better option," but begin to do what you need to do emotionally, legally and financially to move on.

I would just exclude the in-laws at this point from any "exposure," as she seems to have them spun and gaslighted, and they're not being supported. If they ASK you, or continue to challenge you, then by all means say something like "You can continue to ignore what's going on, but I need to do what I have to in order to protect myself and my family."

Puppy

[BWP]

Puppy I appreciate you stopping by.

I've read in posts here not to bother exposing to OM but also read (I think Tuppy?) that I should.

Your thoughts?

I really am having a hard time not 'letting her have it'...not literally of course. I had my niece over yesterday to stay the night and W went out to pedicure appointment. She shows up 8 hours later when niece is ready for bed. This child worships my W. They had an incredible bond and her selfishness led her to stay out the whole day.

I know saying anything will fall on deaf ears.

Just don't get why someone would continue to lie after they've been found out. Just own up to it and deal.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Although you can't really "teach" an adulteress, I do think you can get little "truth darts" in every now and then, and you might have said to her "(Niece was very disappointed that you ignored her all day today. She was really looking forward to seeing you. How you choose to treat me is one thing, but I think you need to say something to her." Or some such.

When you say "exposing to OM" -- you mean CONFRONTING him? Your wife's affair partner?

Not a fan of that. Elevates him in importance, you may not be able to control your emotions, you run the risk of taking ANYTHING he says and considering it as even any SHRED of "truth," and it will only get the two of them a good laugh at your expense.

Puppy

[BWP]

I like that 'truth darts'. Maybe just something to think about? Something that might speak to that one part of her that isn't completely gone back to her adolescents.

[jasper67]

I absolutely agree w/ not confronting OM...I did it in both A's and it did me no good at all.

Truth darts, better option, and protecting yourself are the way to go...If W has gotten to IL's, forget about them...they will side w/ W and lies...

Remember you have your head about you...u cannot rely on w for answers or healing while she's doing what she's doing...