I think you're spot on about there not being any single recipe to work in this situation. But there's definately many years of experience here that will and has helped. All the great perspectives and advice here made such a difference in my life.
It may be too late for me, but you still have a chance and it looks like to me that you are getting control of your life and I guarantee your wife sees it.
Don't quit!
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08