im glad i found the two of you to chat with too. Im starting to freak out a bit about raising a boy alone. H says he would move in and do anything to help, something (well everything)about that doesnt seem right to me. The other day i said it was either you are a family with us or nothing at all. he backs down and says he obviously has not choice so he'll let me do what i want? just like i have no choice but to be apart from him.
before this i was always a pretty positive person. i believed in a lot of good in the world, especially in people. i also believed that i was meant to live a good life with H, and babies and the dog of course!
i feel like i am walking like a zombie, and every day is the same story, and i have no future and no past. i dont know if that makes sense.
i guess i wish i could just for once, notice something in him that wants to be a part of our lives, my life.
if i let him in as the father only, i think he would take that. but i cant. he doesnt seem scared to be a father, he only seems scared to be married to me.
