She *will* distrust any changes you make for a while, which is why they need to be FOR YOU and CONSISTENT. My H actually told his (one-sided, his) EA that I was acting like an alien, and in MC said he thought I was just doing it to win him back and didn't trust it. I told him he could believe whatever he wanted, but I was working on myself, and it didn't matter what he thought.
That was completely true, and it's why the changes have become long lasting.
I saved my M, but it requires lots of patience and work on yourself. It helped that we were in MC from the beginning, and I DB'd within a month of the sitch and was consistent. It would have been longer if the woman he was infatuated with had returned his feelings. As it was, she just enjoyed his attention and did nothing to discourage it. My H is also at his core a really solid, moral guy, so it was harder for him to just drop it all and walk away.
Even with all the positives in my sitch, it took five months post bomb with weekly counseling sessions and DBing and IC on both of our parts (and the woman getting involved with a mutal friend of theirs) before he recommitted, and probably a good three years for both of us to feel really solid in the M again. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
