Piecing Without Transparency

[addie]

Thanks PH and FIB.
Due to the lack of transparency that H has offered me, I've had to remain vigilant and I've remained stuck in the past. It's very difficult to truly work on the M when you're not sure what contact H is having with OW, or any other lies. The one advantage is that OW lives hundreds of miles away and that she didn't want anything romantic with H after their break up.

H and I were finally starting to move things forward last Nov to mid Jan. We were talking more openly, began to read the Healing chapters in Not Just Friends together, were having very passionate s&x, had started ballroom dancing classes together and he had even agreed to attend Retrouvaille at the end of Nov (which fell through because of S13 and his schedule).
Then towards the end of Jan, I found out that H had been lying to me about pursuing OW right up until the point of his return in May (he had been telling me for months that he wanted me and not her and that it was over with her). I found out he even followed her to another country last May in pursuit. This was just before he returned to live with us. Had I been aware of all this at the time, I never would have agreed to take him back. Soon after I found out this info and confronted H, my father became very ill, was hospitalized and eventually passed away... At the moment, our M is very strained. What keeps me hanging in there is S13. For how much longer, I can't say.
I've suggested to H to attend Retrouvaille at the end of April. I am waiting for his response.