I spent Saturday at a required county seminar for divorcing parents. It was surprisingly really good, with two dynamic speakers that actually told the truth. There were about 40 people attending, and only a few couples. I got a lot out of it, and it helped me get more focus back where I need it: my kids.
The wife and kids were returning from their trip late Saturday afternoon. According to our agreement, saturday was still W's day, so I decided to just go straight to my gig. Both kids really wanted to spend Saturday evening with their friends anyway.
I dreaded the drive home saturday night. I had been texting with my kids all night, but I was still surprised when I got home and discovered that W was not there. I hadn't spoken to her since I confronted her on the phone about the OM.
I was left with D17's explanation (wish she was not involved this way): W will be staying at a friends house for the night. It's a small relief, but D17 was pretty distraught.
I also found out that, after I had confronted W over the phone, she sat both kids down and told them about the other man. She felt like she had to say something before I did. I had decided that I would never tell my kids about it. W tried to explain it away by saying they were just friends, and we weren't really married anymore anyway. S14! may have bought it, but D17 didn't really. I think it was a terrible mistake for W to tell them anything about it. I can tell that D17 knows he is more than just a friend.
This morning, I called W and was relieved that she answered. I told her that I wanted to have a calm conversation about what was going on so that her and I could work together of the kid's sakes. She confirmed what D17 had said, and that she was apartment shopping at the very moment. She doesn't wants to avoid seeing me, and we agreed that I would leave the house long enough for her to get more things. It does not look like she will move across the country...yet. I've lost all trust of her.
We talked for over an hour, pretty calm the entire time. She's very angry and said that my behavior last week was unacceptable and outrageous. I said I called her once, and it was to be expected that I would object to her betrayal. She repeated that we aren't really married anymore, and I said regardless I wouldn't expect a friend of 18 years to treat me that way. She accepted it. She explained the OM's wife's reaction to my phone call. OM is divorcing her because she's had multiple affairs: big surprise, right?
Overall, it was a positive conversation. We are both agreeing that we need to work together for the kids, and that we shouldn't be in the same house anymore. As it's always been, when I'm calm and I lead we get better results.
She just texted me to say that she can be in an apartment by Wednesday. I'm both relieved and very sad as the death of my M becomes more real each day.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
