I'm not exactly sure why you're dark right now, to be honest.
Usually going dark is used when a wandering spouse is flaunting an affair in your face or regularly spewing venom at you when the two of you are together. Going dark is most typically used when you have a spouse who is behaving badly. And going dark is predominantly for YOU - an effort to insulate yourself from some of the things that feel like a daily dose of accupuncture via steak knives.
Detachment takes some time. I"m not sure how far along your story is (since the bomb), but you sound like someone who is still in the very early stages of the announcement.
You aren't in Indiana by chance, are you? Your divorce process sounds quite similar to how it works here. My now ex-wife filed in October 2006 and we were divorced just before Christmas that same year.
Others have probably around mentioned this, but the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to get YOUR life on track. It's tough to do that when you spend all your free hours analyzing your spouse and what she's doing and thinking. We all know how hard it is to stop yourself, but that's what makes getting on with your life so important.
You cannot control your wife, I think you know this. Worrying and obsessing about what is to come serves no good purpose. While you do not need to give up on your marriage, I think you DO need to find a way to count your wife as lost for now. Somehow you must free yourself to find peace and purpose without her in your life. What would you be doing right now if your wife had recently passed away? Because that's probably how you should be approaching things now.
It's tough when you have to see them. Especially tough if they give the appearance of being happy and content. By the way, you mentioned in an earlier post that your wife seems less meticulous about things these days. Let me suggest to you that playing the single parent is reason enough for her sloppiness. The path she has chosen is not all roses - it's tough to work, care for a home, and care for children, all on your own.
You can make it through this regardless of the outcome, but only if you begin to care a bit more about establishing yourself right now.
There is nothing that can be done with your wife right now.
Make it a goal for her to see YOU as happy and content the next she sees you, instead of the other way around.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
