Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

You are right pigskin.

I am really taking the "I am already dead" approach at this point. She is on the verge of moving out, so not much else to do and I don't even WANT to do anything else as far as trying to convince her.

I started a new workout program recently and it is really making a difference. People have commented that I look good. A friend of my SIL told me I was really hot and I better watch out because the women will be coming after me (she was only half-joking I think). I am projecting that kind of confidence these days I think.

However, I think MILs words had some effect on W. Also, apparently the waitress who overheard me and my buddies talking is calling her friends around town that have husbands that know W and telling them to watch out for her because she is a 'cheater'. I feel bad about this - but I was only telling my friends the truth about what I know has been going on and I can't help if there is some nosy waitress hanging around. I told her I was sorry about it.

I think this kind of thing bothers W a lot, but that is what will be spread around most likely if she leaves. Close friends know about our situation and OM presence/influence, and I am president of a youth sports organization with 800+ kids in our town - many more people know me than I know- so it will make great gossip material most likely.

I think this kind of thing, plus what MIL told her, are bugging her and maybe she is realizing it is really her own fault and I might not actually be the one to blame - imagine that. I am mind reading, so I will stop now.

The vile anger and resentment I would expect towards me after she gets chewed out by MIL, and what would be expected after waitress overheard me, isn't there the past couple days. We had a 'typical' day yesterday just being around the house and dealing with our kids. We had some discipline issues with S18 and D16 that we dealt with together. It is hard to imagine how we will be able to do this if she leaves - basically we won't I guess.

W sleeps a lot - probably depression. I went grocery shopping and then made our dinner last night and she slept through it. S11 and S12 told me 'thank you' for the dinner - which I thought was kind of funny. Nice kids. It is hard to believe how W could disrupt their world like she is planning.

The next step will be to see if she comes to me for the money to secure the rental by Wednesday. She may take her mothers advice and not leave until summer, but she may still want to secure the rental.

If I could design the world, I would obviously pick for her to 'wake up' and turn back into the person I remember who was my W, but if that can't happen I wish we could split amicably with no financial burdens. I feel like both options are impossible at this point, but I can dream.

I know my life will be better without her going forward if she doesn't change, but I will mourn the loss of our 'family' as it exists.