Honestly, what is wrong with Hs? How can he not remember that you said Easter and a stranger on the Internet remember it? I have never met you! LOL. He probably DOESN'T remember it. God knows why.
Your BF is right, but H would not be the first person to believe a pile of rot unfortunately.
I feel sorry for your son. Have your H comfort him. Maybe that will give him some perspective by proxy on your pain from last year.
I agree that sis topic has to be backburnered for now. Sorry you S is going through this. Must be tough to reexperience it with him. Let H do some!
If you REALLY think H enjoys IMing sis to get your goat, you have to stop giving him that thrill to help extinguish the reason behind that behavior. It's the one remaining power struggle? Why? Why is he in a control fight of shoving something in your face? If you're interpreting this correctly, ignoring it from him, sis, and parents might solve the whole thing within three months if they are all enjoying pushing your buttons for some reason.
I might be wrong, but if you think he's getting a thrill out of making you mad you are rewarding him (giving him a thrill) by getting angry (giving a reaction) and he is enjoying the power strugggle and the button pushing.
No I don't give him a clue I know what he's doing, apart from the few times I've put boundaries in place, after that I have left him to work it out himself! Yes it's a bit of a control thing with him, I've always been the stronger character he's always the giver! This is some thing he can stand his ground on, maybe it's also about him not making the wrong choice with his friends, he doesn't make them easily so he's hanging onto her!
Good idea to get him to console S he's away till mon but that could be interesting to see his reactions to S' discomfort.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
That's a good insight about H and is friend making, not making them easily, not wanting to be wrong, etc. I think you might really be on to something there.
Let us know how the H and S broken hearts club goes over there. Hope you have a calmer week!
LR, it sounds like there are a lot of other people involved in your M! Even if your H gives them power, I hope that you don't. IMO you can't really get involved in his R with his sister...people have blind spots about their families and it's not your job to fix that. Your job is to protect yourself and refuse to let other people's issues be an issue in your M.
Hope that things calm down around there and that you get some peace and fun, as you deserve. hugs!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
FM slightly wrong their hun, the spanner in the works is MY lying two faced sister he is friends with! She has spent all her life lying to get out of trouble with our parents, but put the blame on me and so consequently I was severely punished by my parents as they always believed her! But H has rose tinted glasses her behaviour even though he just found out I'd be lied about yet again recently. I was thrown out of the family circle because she lied about me yet again! H is oh she changed, well quite frankly I'd rather risk cuddling the leopard I have more faith it would change it's spots than her lol
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
What would happen if you ignored sister's behavior completely and didn't let her put a triangle in your marriage by fighting H about it? You are so inconsequential to me that you can lie to my H all you want for years and I don't care. She is baiting you through H and hurting your marriage. He is too dumb and manipulable to ever recognize it on his own. Take away her power. Maybe she'll get bored and try to punish you some other way (like within your family). I don't think you can fix your sis. You can't let your lifelong troubles with her ruin your M. I know it hurts, but let her badmouth you to H and see what happens. Tell him to talk to her all he wants, who cares? Just not to tell you anything more about it because it is of no interest after this point. Then live it out and never listen and never ask. Word will get back to her after a year and she might lose interest in her IM friendship with your H.
That is one long-term view plan. I'm not saying it would be easy or fair. I'm trying to take the fun out of it for her to help you. Maybe I'm wrong.
I'm so sorry to hear of the injustices she has put on you. I think you have no power over her and her manipulations, lies, and abuse. However, your H is the one you have a right to work this out with.
I know it's been an ongoing issue between the two of us. I just want you to feel like H respects you and sees sis for who she is and him not doing that seems to pour salt on the wounds.
But if somehow you can get more compassion from him - some how get him to hear the pain she has caused you over the years and ask him to be your man and stand by you ... I think this is what you need.
Do I know how to do this? No! lol Do you have any ideas, LR?
H4L H knows whats shes done over the years, he even know that she cold shouldered me for some thing S did but made everyone think it was me!
Trouble is he has rose tinted glasses about what shes done in the past, and he thinks shes changed now...
Think that Im gonna just have to let this one go and only bring it up when it compromises our R when parents use it to try and get between us (H & I)..
Struggling atm seems like hes more distant/la la land/WAS, or should I say no aware of our R needing nurturing.. I was upset last night as he said he was coming to bed and never turned up till two hours later, it rattled my insecurity of him not wanting to be with me before even though I feigned sleep and didnt say anything, on top of that went to check what day his birthday was on to find hes supposed to be away all that weekend all four days..
This got talked about this morning, he cuddled me quickly as if in trouble, but I just made out I was sleepy, he asked if he was in trouble a bit like a small boy, so just validated it wasnt he was in trouble but I was upset about what had happened, and his lack of time for his birthday.. Apparently stuff on calendar is just so he knows not concrete, duh how am I supposed to know whats what! and also the long weekend he planned on asking me to go with him, duh my mind reading isnt too good either.. Just feel he is slipping back into uncommunicative land due to his depression..
All I seem to do is work work and more work! and yesterday to boot I came home and did house chores as he had spent his time doing some hobby stuff for himself.. arrhhhhhhh WHY did I want him back oh to just WAW, all made worse by all of us at work discussing what we would do if we won the 17m lottery rollover this weekend..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
