Can you at least see why I said this entire situation sounds crazy and nuts?
A few days ago you said you wanted to die. Then you were happy and things were okay. Then things were horrible again. Then the two of you argue. Then the two of you get along. R talks start. Pushing and pulling and power struggles begin. Major ups and downs and all this drama is no good. No good at all.
Then you want to go dark or gray. Then you don't do that and talk, talk and talk more. You are all over the map and giving in to every whim and desire to fix all of this. I don't think it works that way.
First you must work on detaching. If your W is crying because she doesn't have a job that is not your problem. She chose all of this. You certainly can validate her feelings but it is not up to you to solve this problem for her (ex: sending out resumes on her behalf, looking for jobs for her). You both must learn to take care of your own stuff.
Each time a talk you have with your W goes south you want to go dark. Going dark is not a punishment tool. Going dark is to help you get your own stuff together, make a plan, detach and stop all this madness. It is not a magic wand solution.
This will be a very long, very slow process and you seem to want it all repaired ASAP. Until both of you work on yourselves ON YOUR OWN then not much will change and the same patterns will emerge.
You are way too emotional to be having these talks and you still haven't grasped the basics. When all of this is pointed out to you, you get angry and lash out so I am not sure exactly what sort of support you are looking for.
