I had to know because, yeah, I'm that type AND I wanted a boy so badly. I knew I would need time to process having a girl. But interestingly enough, the day I discovered it was a girl was 1/15/10, the day after I understood what he was saying. And I was relieved to learn it was a girl! I wondered why and thought about that for a while. And I'm pretty sure I think that females are stronger than males, so she could handle anything. Isn't that weird? I don't know what to think about it!
As for the message I gave his parents: I wrote it up, then I read lots of posts (including yours) and edited. That line about "not friends anymore" came from reading your post! It must have been Allen or somebody who really emphasized that.
I really have to say I feel like I'm going through a personal revolution. I think I spent a lot of my marriage giving a lot and expecting very little. My personality is to help others and get out of their way. The helping others is OK, but neglecting. . . even refusing to acknowledge myself is something I can't do anymore. (It still comes through a bit in that if he wants me out, okay, I'm out. Whatever he wants. See what I mean?)
So I know that this is my time to know myself and my baby. The setbacks I have from unexpected contact with him make me sad. So I think that motivates me a lot to set boundaries.
That said, I think of this ME time taking me up to the birth and after for maybe 3 months. But at that point, I think he should be making some true decisions. We got through the transition -- how did he handle it? Then I plan to do maybe 3 months or so of active DB-ing. Goal setting, I mean, 180s, all that. I'd do it for the 8 years of quality marriage that we had.
Then, around Jan/Feb/March depending on how things go, I'll go dim, GAL, and be done with it. That's okay. I will still hold a glimmer of hope for later, but I'm okay with moving on, too. I know that he didn't ruin my life. Not at all.
So that's my plan. Sorry for the long rambling; I guess this has become my journal!
You're going for a completely natural birth. Rock on. I'm going to try, but I might do a light epidural. Not sure; I'll just decide when I'm there! I wonder what BD's plan is. . .
TTYL!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
