Show of hands - expose or not - success stories

[saffie]

The situation is far from hopeless. Your H is still in the house and still in your bed. Untangling your situation is going to be a nightmare - especially with bankruptcy looming; will that affect both of you or just you?

Look at the practical side of things. Hopefully R with OW is over from her side of things - particularly if she was a gold digger. Now it will take time for your H to withdraw and come back to you.

Whatever the arguments are about expose or not to expose - you have done it and now you have to deal with the consequences.

Personally I am not sure you need to keep up such a hard line as Puppy and Allen advocate. I totally agree with them that I would be clear and a complete harda$$ about NC with OW, but I think that you need to let your H see the good points in you too, in order to draw him back in to you. Remember 180's on how you acted before......and remember that you can't control him.

There will be lots of bluster from him and that will leave you very unsettled, but where else has he got to go at the moment? Where else has he got to go in the near future? This long term plan re when the children leave HS is just pie in the sky and his feelings will have changed long before then.

You cannot control him, so now I think you can only show you are the better option. Laughter, shared memories, and good sex are great healing cement. Show him what he would be missing out on. And hopefully whilst doing that your PMA will get better and better and that always makes one more attractive.

Each situation is different and for each sitch a different combination of skill sets is required.

Personally I also think your H needs to see some respect coming through to him. It seems to be something that has been sorely lacking in your M. Obviously NOT for the fact that he has cheated.....but can't you find other things to respect him for - you can be sure OW made him feel respected.....even though she knew he was a cheater.

First and foremost though, look after yourself now and control any outbursts you may feel coming along.

Have you ever heard of the book No MOre Mr NIce Guy. In your sitch it might be a good idea if YOU read it. i think a lot of it might apply to your H, but this might not be the time to have HIM read it.