I'm sure others will have good advice. But I have to say it's too wordy, too much. I am terribly interested in what you have to say, and I couldn't fully focus on the whole message because of its length. So: edit, edit, edit!
Also, I don't think you should start with the sentence/question about being well, peaceful, and strong. You imply that you're not. But I think you are. Maybe not as easily as you have been at a different time, but you are not an unwell, weak wreck. Right?
I have no idea whether having your DB coach as the parenting therapist is "good" or not. It sounds like it just is and you're prepared to take whatever consequences come your way, if any, because of it. You trust the DB coach, and that means a lot. So we'll see.
Hope all is well, and I look forward to hearing more about your sitch. . .
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
i agree with Gatsby...let him know that you are strong, and will be well and peaceful... but let him know you are all those things now! Make him think and believe you are 100% strong enough to do it alone! Its not because you want him to think you dont need him, its because you want him to see you as a strong human being... a parent!
i wrote a letter to H a few days ago, and i was not so nice, actually direct may be more like it. Some things I wrote in it were... I, as a mother have every right to protect me child and give him the life that i feel he deserves. that i have very high expectations for my son and the people who come into his life, especially his father, and you need to man up and step up to the plate. the child is not a toy or a car, that you can walk in and out on. you can treat me like crap, but you decide now if you want to participate in his life as a father or not. you can not and will not ever destroy his faith and trust in people, like you did me.
i was a bit more harsh than you are in your letter, that is just me, but i think you need to let him know that you are not going to sit and take it either. you would think with just weeks left, the H's would WAKE UP and start acting like fathers.
BE STRONG! and do what feels right...
I am hoping it all works for you...
dont you feel like every step and everything you do could be the one thing to trigger an emotion inside him and wake him up.
Yup, you are strong but you don't have to let him know it. He doesn't have to see you as anything. You are strong for yourself. No games, no strategy in that. Just truth.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
Your child needs ADULT support, not some flighty irresponsible hopeless (and I don't mean that as a compliment) romantic....... This nonsense is tolerable for a few weeks, but eventually he needs to grow a pair or get out of the way............You arent' his mother. HE needs to GROW UP.
All of the above. And you're right A, H could be having web sex with OW right now. Niice thought.
If the db coach is going to have a serious heart to heart with him and tell him to grow a pair or get out of the way so he's not doing DAMAGE then great... if the db coach is just going to baby this guy hoping he starts to show up now and then I think you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of dissappointment.
It's a caulculated risk I'm taking, Allen. My H should be educating himself, but he's so far from doing that that leaving him to his own devices seems more doomed to fail for all of us , esp child's needs. Would love to be a fly on the wall...
And what on earth do you THINK your husband WILL do? If they aren't the same thing.. you need to backburner this fool.
Thanks for this mind bender. I think he would tell them to turn themselves in. I know what I would do if I was that parent. I know what you are getting at. It's about core values that you live by, no matter what. My H has some different values to me, but the revolve around love and relationships, not hit and runs!
Sent the email. No reply as yet. Will be interesting to see if he does make the counseling call. I know I shouldn't care and just have to focus on me now.
Young brother in law arrives in 2 days from o/seas for an indeterminate amount of time. He'll be staying with me (we're close, this was always the plan - prior to bomb - and I'm the one with accomodation).
Plan: Not to talk about WAH unless asked Not try to convince BIL that I am right. Get on with preparing for the birth with minimal upset and interruption. Continue to GAL as much as is possible
Questions: If discussing WAH and our sitch, how open should I be?
Should I leave literature around about infidlity and parenting, etc ?
All you are letting GO of is his immaturity ... if that's all there is, he isn't coming back and you are better off.
If he DOES find the maturity and comes back then great... but you aren't his mother. you need to cut his apron strings and find out ifi he's a man or a coward.
