I also think the stats are very skewed in terms of how many marriages are saved. I don't just mean this site.
I think the one aspect that is so often ignored is longevity. While it is not as common as people hope, I do think some people may try to reconcile. What we forget to ask is if the reconciliations last for the long haul.
I know there are a few people here that did manage to save their marriages or I should say rebuild their marriages. And believe you me, I think that is WONDERFUL but it certainly is not "the norm". Once a spouse moves out and becomes invested in another R the probability of a return is very, very low.
People mistake that for bitterness and it isn't. It is reality. And sure, it is bitter but not in a "I hate people" way but in a very, very sad and deeply painful way.
If you ran into a stranger at the market and he/she smiled at you I doubt you (general you) would spend more than a minute wondering what it means. Yet so many of us (I did this too) spend hours wondering what a smile means from our WAS. We sit and wonder this while they are in bed with another. It is horrible. It is reality.
MWD is really great for marriages that are in trouble but not yet disintegrated. For the staunch WAS in a deep affair nothing will work. I don't care who says what. An affair is simply too powerful. And yes, I will say again it is HORRIBLE.
It is hard to get with it once you are dumped, left and cheated on. I have never been in more pain in my life. But if you don't you will die from the pain. The only thing I say take at your own pace is the legalities. And if you are being forced into legalities get a good attny to take care of it all so you can focus on your emotional health. That is not being nasty, it is being smart.
My husband cheated and left two years ago. He is still with OW. He sent me 11 text messages the other night to tell me they are moving in together. Yes, he told me over text. Then proceeded to tell me how great they are doing, how great he is and so on. It hurts. It is horrible. I get it but I also get reality.
