Messed up

[jt2007]

went to the house today and spent time out with my son that has some animosity towards me for seeing his dad arrested.

XH said S and I need to work it out. So he was encouraging S to do something with me.
It worked out in the end, he softened up and was back on tract getting to good terms with me. Not sure how all this is affecting him. But he did say he didnt want me to leave so quickly to stay for a while.
I told my daughter that I would not be spending the night anymore unless her dad and I were sleeping in the same room.
I dont think it is right for me to be sleeping in my daughters room, when my H is downstairs in OUR room.
I felt horrible saying that to D and she didnt take it well said I cared more about XH thand I did her.

Maybe I was to honest with her about why I was not spending the night. I know this is difficult but not sure what to say exactly to them , accept to be honest.

XH spoke a little more to me today and ate what I made for lunch. Which usually doesnt..so OK there.
He had started a workout at the gym this week. The gym people told him that he was flabby.. I couldnt help to laugh a little inside. But I had to remember that he is sensitive about his body right now...and I was not there to make him feel worse.

He had a sore arm and I said it was great that he decided to make himself feel better. That when it was all over with he would be strong feel good and look great.
I really doubt he will stick with this. He has started and stopped so many times...but hey what ever is ok for him today

I will not be there to be discouraging, I will praise him for what he does that is good for himself, I will not put down or judge when he shares. No matter what anger I feel inside.

When those situations come up I will put my feelings of anger and insecurity about If he is doing this for other women aside.
I will instead focus on him as a person working something out for himself and encourage that.
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I had made some rules for what I would do during certian situations.

I will not spend the night at the house untill HE asks me to.
I will not spend the night unless I can sleep with him in my own bedroom.

If he asks me to sleep over, I will tell him what my rules are.

I will ask for one display of affection, and not push for more.
If I leave I will ask for a hug goodbye, until I feel like I no longer need to have any sort of affection from him.

If I feel like I want more I will remind myself that it will be his choice to give that to me...I will not push or make my desire known, until he has offered himself to me freely without my prompting for more.

I will not ask the children about any aspect of his life while I am not there.
If I feel like I am missing out on something and feel the urge to ask I will rememind myself that I am trying to create a different me than the one I became, I am trying to recreate the person I was before I met him...and I dont need to know aobut his life to acomplish my goals.

I will wait until he offers to open his life freely for me to share... I also will not count on that happening to hold me from becoming me.


these are the most relevent right now. Im sure there are other things Im supposed to make up goals about, just not into having a long list right now.