Need some help!!!

[jtish7234]

We have gone thru a mediation session for our visitation schedule. My husband will see them every other weekend. He has given me all major holidays. Its not that he doesn't want to be more involved, its more about how he is being selfish with his time. Up until March (so in 5 months) he saw our kids once a month for about 6 hrs top each time. He had several weekends in the time where he could have come up to see them, but chose to spend time w/OW and her friends.

I have tossed around the idea of moving back to the town where we used to live. But right now, I feel that I need to stay with my parents (2.5 hrs from my husband) until I am able to get on my feet financially. (I finally found a job and will be starting April 19th) Not to mention I have more support here to help with the kids and to give me a break. When I was concidering moving back, my husband was also questioning his thoughts about if he was doing the right thing. SO it looked as if he may want us to come home. But about a week later, he informs me that he wants to move in with OW. I just wouldn't be able to handle being around him and possible her. Not to mention we don't have family there and I have only one great friend that lives there for support.

I have tried talking to him calmly about being more involved. Trying to get him to see what he is missing out on or the things that he will miss. I have tried to explain to him that they don't want his gifts, they want his love and attention. H therapist told him that he should write the boys letters everyweek, like being pen pals. And I'm sorry but how does he expect a 3 yr old to write back? I told H that I will read the letters to the boys, but don't expect me to write back for them bc then it would be like I was personally writing it (if that makes sense) So to be nice, the first week, I made him a scrapbook page of the boys handprints that said 'daddy's little hands' and gave it to him for his bday from the boys.

I would love to get some time alone with my H so that we could talk. But we are never alone and the only time I see him now, is when it is his weekend or we have a court date for the D. I would love the chance for my H to see the 'new' me, bc he doesn't get the chance to do so when we are around the kids. I honestly think my H is afraid to be alone with me. When I was packing up our stuff at the house, he made sure my FIL was there, so that he wouldn't have to be alone with me.

This may sound bad, but I pray every night that the OW does something that will push him away and bring him back to us. Its really upsetting, when he tells me that the reason he loves being with her is bc she was me 10 yrs ago. Outgoing and fun to be around, but when we got married and our careers got in the way that all changed. We both became to focused on doing things around the house and I tended to focus all my attention on the kids.

I also pray every night that God will bring my H back to my kids and I. But also that he gives me the strenght to deal with whatever may happen. Its weird but I just have a gut feeling that once the divorce goes thru (bc I don't see my H changing his mind in the next few weeks) that he will soon realize that he is making a huge mistake. Or its just wishful thinking.