I am pretty much a rock when he starts his delusional rants. I have learned to not get emotional over anything that he says...because a few minutes later, a few days later, or a few weeks later..he retracts what he says or denies saying them anyway. I guess similar to your bf.

Because I am not really fearful of losing him anymore..I am able to remain relatively unemotional. This actually motivates him more to get a rise out of me...and for the most part- I don't bite. He will finally calm down. It is like a child throwing a temper tantrum..screaming..faking tears..covering their eyes..but peeking thru their fingers to see if you are watching them. When he realizes he isn't going to get his way..he stops the immaturity.

I don't want to be the one to give 90% in this relationship. He told the MC- that I was the best wife that you could possibly ask for. Instead of focusing on all the good that I was..and loving me for all that I was..he continued to focus and resent me for all that I wasn't instead. I think because he views life thru a pessimistic lens...he doesn't understand how I don't match his mood. I am never going to change this. I am not an unhappy person and don't want to be. It is not that I don't understand the situation..I just don't let things effect me like they do him. He is a bundle of negativity.

When my H is good..he is so good. I guess because his bad is soooo bad...his good qualities are that much more appreciated and cherished. I don't know if he is capable of having a mature relationship..he has such difficulties understanding the feelings of others..he only sees his hurt and his pain. It is so puzzling to me and always has been.

I think I may be holding out for something that may never come. Part of me is afraid of letting go because I believe that he can change and become a better person. I don't need him to be the perfect person and I don't have a specific vision in my mind of what I need him to become..but just a genuinely good person. I have been hopeful that he has learned alot from our M and this awful experience and make changes for the better..and after all the hell we have been thru..I won't get to reap the rewards of that. Someone else will. It is probably silly way of thinking..but this is what has been going thru my mind.

For such a rational person...he is just so ridiculously irrational at times. I deserve better.