I tried to go dark or dim but that wasn't working at all.
Going dark is overrated. Imagine, she misses you, had an OM and left him (or was left). Going dark would make her (in theory) want you back. Add on her depression (or whatever), now to you going dark. What would happen?
Cheeseless tunnels are cheeseless because they are the things that never worked in the past. Could you make a list of the things that you've done in the past that didn't work? Things that made fights bigger, your anger fiercer, and her actions farther from meeting your emotional needs? These would be the tunnels to avoid.
Quote:
I came out and asked her last night what she is looking for in life and in general. I asked her if leaving has really made her happy.....
This is where I went into I want you to be happy. Our house is always open to you. I want you to work on yourself.
And the result was that she showed interest in what you did this morning. So that was not a cheeseless tunnel! Congrats! You're a happy mouse
Through the various stages of W and my separation/divorce/reconciliations/etc, both of us have been short with our kids. You may have been, too. I find it so much harder to forgive my W when she injures our kids than when I do. Why? I know WHY I did it, so I can justify my action. For her, I can't and sometimes don't want to justify her bad action. Now more than ever, try even harder, Aces.
