I said, "oh no you are listening to me" now this isn't about me anymore the kids are very upset at you never coming home or calling.
Did he? If you are on the way to a divorce and he THINKS (not knows) that you will never forgive him or love him again (or he doesn't want you to), then why would he care when he came home? I guess it matters if you share a bed still or if he is loud and woke you up.
The month that I was dealing with my new ADHD diagnosis, I stayed out till 5. Now, I understand why she was so angry. Back then, I had no clue. Her response was a reaction, I reacted back. I can apolgize now, damage already done, but it has taken me many years to get there.
For my own issues, I'm seeing a doc & reading a book as directed by my IC, "Facing the Shadows". I don't know how you present something like this to your H, but a 3rd affair seems like he has some committment issues and more. The part I think relates to him most about what I'm reading is the part about how secrets affect both me and my Rs. If you could do it or you felt it appropriate, you could offer the book to him, but my guess is that he'll think you're shaming him.
I really want to stress that I get the problem I caused in my M and how I hurt my W now. I didn't get it then. All I saw back then is what your H *may* be seeing...someone who is very angry at him the person, not his actions and lots of shame. If it makes sense, a OW may make him feel strong, confident, and handsome while at home he may feel shame and inadequacy. I'm sure he feels the guilt, too. It is too bad for him that he can't feel only the guilt so he'd realize he's got a very loving, but hurt, W at home.
Clearly, you want him gone and unless he meets some conditions and becomes the H you want, you will pursue a D. I can't guarantee I will be able to work out all the probs in my M, either, and may be heading that way, too. I know that if I have that goal in mind, my actions and words will show it. My wife and your H will feel it. They will not be able to get the motivation to change, nor to understand the pain they caused.
While my probs are my own, my W said that she had known about this M deal-breaker for all 11 yrs. I asked her why she didn't tell me, because our M was filled with so many days that (now) I know were realted to my prob. That anger is so heavily engrained in her now, it may be too late.
In no way am I saying you need to reverse directions with the D. His actions seem very uncaring and immoral, too. Only God can know what was really in his heart. He has said things like "I'm not leaving" that make me think (far away from your sitch) that he holds some hope for staying married.
I'm just saying that the best 180 anyone can do for any husband is to stop nagging (criticism / contempt) even when it is deserved.
The result may not be a happy M, but it may make him a better father and at least someone that doesn't cause you to feel regret for marrying him every day.
I hope these thoughts, which are just opinions, are recognized as just thoughts from which there may be good and bad. This is your M, or your D.
