Just got back from motorcycle class. I was SO excited to do it. In fact, I came home and told H how excited I was, if you get my drift. That led to him saying he was very drunk last night and apologizing, but I said don't worry about it, I had a good time. H smiled at my offer and said no, he didn't want to ML right now... and I kept looking at him as he was speaking to me, and he said "stop looking at me like THAT." Then, later, he said "maybe I'll reconsider later tonight when I get home."
Here's to hoping he keeps in mind what I offered to do and it drives him wild tonight thinking of me.
Here's to REALLY hoping - it'll be the first time we ML without alcohol in a while.
Lots of posts I missed while I was out at class, I'm going to go make dinner for kids and then come back and read and reply.
PMA pretty high right now.
H told me ALL of his plans for the weekend... where he was going, who he was going to see, how long he expected to be, and what he was doing. He also said that there was NO intention today or tomorrow of any sort of "meeting" in case I "didn't trust him." I told him I trusted him, that we have too deep a connection and I'd know if he were lying. I knew he was being honest from his tone of voice and the fact he was looking deeply at me like he used to. The old H was back for just a few seconds there, and it made me catch my breath.
However, I know full well that after leaving me and those nice exchanges we were just having, he was heading to MIL's house to "fill her in" on what else she was missing on OUR story.
I sent her the five stages a person committing infidelity goes through along with the four stages of a M according to Retrouvaille. Romance, Disillusionment, Misery, Awakening. (REALLY pray we can make it to the fourth stage)
Hoping she can use that during the talk. Also, the A stuff from earlier in my thread. -demonization of spouse -rewriting marital history -punishing spouse -validating/seeking approval of others -restoring balance (where he wants you to be happy for him)
He is SO using ALL of those right now. It dawned on me as I was riding the motorcycle today that the reason he's gone through these stages these last few days IS those five reasons above. Think of it this way. He demonized me to MIL (and friends, who accepted the story as they were his friends first) - and he rewrote our marital history, and was all ready for MIL to accept and do the last two - validate and give him approval plus HELP HIM restore balance and be happy for him. Instead, she presented an obstacle and told him NO. Then he threw a temper tantrum like a little baby. Told her she HURT him and she DIDN'T UNDERSTAND him and even threatened her with not talking to her anymore ('I'll find someone else to support me')
Well, I called MIL/FIL today and told them that this is why he's going over tonight, to give another chance to them to hear his bull story and give him the help he needs moving past and into "forever happiness and bliss." When they DO NOT accept and DO tell him to get help and work on our M, he is probably going to throw another temper tantrum, this one being worse than the last. I'll have to say prayers for them tonight. They are going through enough right now and don't really need this extra stress. If anything happens to these two (health-wise) because of the added strain on them, I will never forgive myself. On the one hand, they are my biggest allies and may very well be THE instrument that helps save my M this time... on the other, I can't get over the guilt of involving them. Trying to find a balance and not call them every time I panic over something.
