Faith without works... (my new thread)

[james217]

This all sounds crazy and nuts.

If you went out on a first date with a random woman would you spend hours texting and talking about each moment with her the very next day? My guess is no. If you did that she would be running for the hills.

The ONLY response you should have given your W after the date should have been something like this:

"W, I had a great time too, it was nice to see you, you looked lovely and maybe we can do it again sometime. Hey, I have to run, maybe we will talk soon!"

Instead the two of you pick apart each moment, dredge up the past and start acting all dramatic and crazy. This cycle will continue until both of you (A) work on your own issues (B) get some space and detach a bit and (C) STOP having R talks.

actually we did that the first day after the date

we didn't spend freaking hours texting and talking about each moment on that date. It was maybe 30 to 45 minutes then we began talking about our very first date and what we remembered about it. Then we even went into a few other good dates and happy memories.

Maybe if you read up YOU'D see where we both just said we had a good time she texted me that right after we left.

She wanted to know details about what I liked and we been both laughing and talking about it because it had been a long long time since we did someting like that.

This is dumb. I can go to a million posts and threads on here where people have just as many details about the entire interation with their spouse (even non date related) but when I do it it's crazy?

I didn't dredge up the past she did. I deaded it and 180ed and there wasn't an argument. I let her express how she felt about it. And she wondered if it was genuine. It hurt to hear her say that. I knew she would. Because we hadn’t had a genuine date with me focused soley on her in a long long time.

On a few of our dates I always had my laptop rarely even talking to her. Just ignoring her or just saying yea yea yep uh huh.

Me not paying attention to the little things she'd say or do bothered her in the past. A new hairstyle. New earrings. etc etc.

So I knew she was going to ask me about it because I ignored her a lot. I didn’t notice those little things. I didn’t pay attention to them. So now I do (180) and that’s crazy and wrong. Wow.

We both probably overreacted a little bit and admitted it. We both also admitted we needed more time to resolve things and each conversation and text is improving. No more cheeseless tunnels. I don’t care about the past anymore. It’s behind us. She still is dealing with it so I give her time and space. She calls and texts me and I end the calls first most of the time. I don’t bombard her with texts or calls or vms. She is pursueing me.

Yes we are both working on our issues too. Hence us not just jumping back together. I’m in anger manager and IC. She’s about to start IC and possible MC. That’s been discussed.

Also I’m still working on my health and job status. It’s improved a lot. Now that I have cut down on my sugar the weight is coming off with ease. Doctor says I have a high metabolism and if I do that I’ll be back down to a good size in no time.

me saying crap like "i had a good time" is not a freaking 180. cause i'd always do that. "that's a nice dress" *goes back to watching tv or something else* or "that's a nice meal" back to more of the same.

It didn't seem genuine because it was just me saying stuff and she knew it. So that's why I told her more about what I liked and didn't like.


and that's why she asked why i did that

and no i wouldn't do that on a first date with a woman. I have no history with them. I'd compliment and we'd talk about it a little bit but that's it. There's no history there. there's no bad past or things I need to work on either