Thanks Pearl- OW is definitely gone from the office...I am sure of that. But that does not guarantee that he will never hear or speak to her again. I am not overly concerned about her at the moment. I am really not sure what I want..and each day that goes by..I am leaning more towards parting ways. Not because I am angry...but because I really believe my H has depression/personality issues that he won't really admit to..and therefore will not seek help.
He stopped by today unannounced...he was clearly in a depressed state. H said that I don't understand him emotionally and never have. He retracted some of the things that he said at the MC appt- he told the MC he doesn't blame me for some issues...but now he says he does. The MC told him that the issues he blamed me for weren't issues that I could have controlled. He still feels like I could have done more. H said that we will discuss this again at MC.
One thing is very clear and has always been clear...my H has huge resentment issues. He does not know how to forgive and his hurt is the only thing he can feel. It is almost like his A is nothing compared to what I have done...for example- I have gotten upset with him for not closing any drawers or cabinets that he opened..or coming in from outside and dumping dirt out of his sneakers onto the floor. It is his house..and he should feel like he is in control of it. I cannot wait to discuss these things with the MC..I am sure my H will act rational in front of her..and then flip flop afterwards like he did today.
I think deep down inside..he knows he is wrong about many things he brings up..but he just likes to argue..and likes the drama..he is a lawyer after all- so by nature- he likes to fight and win...even when he is wrong. I leave him fighting with himself for the most part...
I spoke to him today about depression. I read him an article. He listened and was quiet. He looked very depressed afterwards..almost had tears in his eyes. He left a few minutes later.
I am trying hard to listen to him...and listen to how he is feeling. I know I cannot tell someone how to feel...but how do you handle a man who expresses feelings that aren't based on reality..just based on his reality? He has a different recollection of different things in our M..but most of it is untrue..He is truly grasping at straws trying to understand how he could have done this..how he could have had an A. He acted against his core values and morals..how he could have hurt someone that he loves (his words)..and I think now that the fog has lifted...he is left trying to figure out/justify how he could have done what he did. It is draining.
