Faith without works... (my new thread)

[james217]

This date was about me letting go of the past. Reminding you of how much fun we used to have. To let you know I forgive you too. That we can enjoy each others company again. Obviously the date was somewhat a success but not a total one because in the back of your mind you're still looking for motives.

We both agreed to just go out and have a good time with each other and let go of the past. But you have sent me texts about what my intentions were. You also asked me why I helped you job hunt and submitted your resume to jobs for you. You stated that I want to throw it up in your face later during an argument how I had to help you again because you did not get the job on Monday because the training class was cancelled. You were distraught and upset and I just wanted to help. If we keep focusing on who did what or past actions then that will not help or solve anything.

You are my best friend 1st wife 2nd and lover 3rd. So I will help when I can.

She's still calling. Now she's frustrated and disappointed stating that I'm taking what she is stating the wrong way she did not mean it like that and that she really did enjoy every intimate moment she was just afraid to admit so.

She asks why cant we just take a positive experience from this date. I state to me the date was positive. You are the one who is questioning the motives of it. You are the one who stated we need to start by being positive and building with this date and how we had both admitted our faults and you are still expecting the same negative attitude. A lot of this is in your mind. I have done a lot of thinking about the way I used to be and I’m trying to change. So on our next date I hope that you can put those negative thoughts out of your head and we can have an even better date.

I finally pick up the phone and call her and stop texting. I know what’s coming next which is why I did not call her sooner. I was hurt about what she was stating and I did not want to argue.

I told her that I keep a journal of our interactions and my own feelings on this computer. That I wanted to read the entry from the date. My first sentence was pretty much was I stated at the top of my new thread. How I felt like I pushed her to OMs and chatlines due to my unintentional verbal abuse.

As soon as I read that sentence she is looking to argue. She says I’m throwing her past in her face again. I calmly let her vent and validate. I ask if I can continue reading. She’s no longer hearing me. She is just going off about feelings of guilt, how I won’t trust her again etc etc. I say nothing. I let her talk it out herself. I refused to get baited into that argument.

So finally after about 10 mins of her doing this she gets quiet. She starts asking am I even on the phone anymore. I say yes I’m here. I ask if I can continue reading my journal entry without her interrupting. She says ok.

(continued below)