I'm sorry to read things haven't turned around, but I've realized I had watched too much TV.
On TV, your, my, and many others' issues would've just been solved, or the problem spouse would be killed in a freak accident only to return as a ghost to protect their former love forever ... not so in real life
You sound like your a flood of emotions, but somehow you managed to keep yourself growing, improving. That's awesome Flowmom!
RE "V", I was wondering if you are on good enough relations with your H still that you could go out for coffee with a babysitter at home instead of "sitting him down".
Not to give ultimatums, but to clarify and show him the beauty of some of your 180s without the kids pulling your hair. If going out is too likely to be emotional, maybe you could meet at a quiet park or something else.
Either way, try not to take V to heart, but maybe you could consider her as competition and get out your 'biology degree' to make his body go nuts for you. (Fight mode instead of flight)
Well done on seeing the L, good to start making plans to protect you from what may happen. Your a strong woman and you will get through this, I really thought my world had ended when H left but surprise surprise it didnt and although he's back I still know it would end again!
Might be a good time to make a list of your 180's it always perks me up, to set time aside to recognise what good things have happened outta all this mess, and does my PMA a good recharge..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
flo, have faith in you. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I've seen it, lived it and I am sure of it. Be strong and take controlof your life like you have been doing. Hugs K
Gnosis thinks that H is done with our M, but he's not pushing for D so that I have time to "get on my feet" (and possibly to establish a precedent for joint custody, which is 40% of the time). Then once I'm on my feet H will be able to cut the cord guilt-free. Gno thinks I should try the route of doing the coparenting plan with the psychologist who may be able to do covert MC. He figures I don't have anything to lose. There is some risk because the coparenting plan will involve some D talk and making that scenario more real.
I think he's probably right.
There is a more optimistic scenario. He may be giving himself a set amount of time to "figure things out", possibly with the encouragement of his mother. At one point she was a WAW for good reason, separated from H's father, then they reconciled after he did some 180s (this was after H moved out of home). H is planning a 10 day trip to Switzerland with his mother at the end of August. She is likely paying for the trip and it could be his designated time to "figure things out" and make a final decision. I think she is pro-reconciliation and in our very brief conversations she has encouraged me to give him time and not take any action. She has been supportive of my past efforts to work on our M and has also been worried about H's well being (depression, health, etc.). She would not want to appear to be "on my side" in this sitch so she is very cagey in our conversations.
If there is an OW, I don't think "V" is it. My sister agrees that she doesn't really fit the bill for what he's likely looking for right now. Of course this is all speculation.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I still feel you have way too much focus on your H.
Think of it this way... no matter what happens in your M many things have to change. You do have to address the money issues as together or apart, you and your H have debt to pay and children to support AND you must not rely on your H totally for money (even if you get back together). Together or apart it seems your H simply has the expectation that his W will bring in an income and that is what he needs and wants.
I disagree that see a psych together for co-parenting is a good idea. Here is why... you have too many expectations about what *could* happen, you are not detached enough and you have so much focus on your H I don't see it doing you much good. IMO, from an outsiders POV, it looks like a sneaky attempt to get your H in front of a counselor of some sort and right now, he simply doesn't want that. While this is speculation it seems he thinks co-parenting is going okay for now and requesting a meeting with a "pro" to improve will make him feel like what he is doing is not good enough. Now think of how you feel when he implies what you are doing is not "good enough" (ex. income). How would you feel if your H asked you to see a psych with him to come up with a plan for you to earn more money (your sore spot)? Just asking to give you a different perspective.
My MIL and I were as close as two people could be. We spoke daily and were the very best of friends. When my H left me she was devastated and I do mean devastated in a way I couldn't even believe. But she still supported and loved her son and your MIL will do the same no matter what feelings she has about you or the M.
WAS rarely "make a final decision" other than to file for divorce and be done with it. I do not feel a trip will do a bit of good in that department. When a WAS decides to give the LBS a second look, IMO, it is a very, very slow progression. In fact, IMO, the progression is so slow that often times the LBS is in a much better place all around and is able to view things in a far more clear fashion. And maybe that is a good thing.
Gnosis thinks that H is done with our M, but he's not pushing for D so that I have time to "get on my feet" (and possibly to establish a precedent for joint custody,
I hate to disagree with GNO but to me this sounds like MLC confusion. I guess when he comes back from his trip you will know for sure but August is a long time away and much could change by then.
I mean trying to figure out what is going on inside their head really seems like an exercise in futility. Just MHO
