New year, new thread, update of sorts..

[dmkdmkdmk]

I sent him this email today:

When I am with you, I will do my best to be kind, patient, understanding, receptive. I know on some level you are suffering a loss because you did bond to the person you cheated on me with. Last April and May, you talked to her several times a day. You turned away from me because you had already replaced me with her. You elevated her to what should have been my status in your life, while keeping her your dirty little secret up until two days ago. I understand that you are suffering a loss.

But that will never give you a right to take out your frustrations on me. You started cheating on me, and your children, the moment that you put her number in your phone under (her XBF's) name and never once mentioned that you were hanging out with her. You made her more important than you made YOUR FAMILY. It doesn't matter if anything physical was going on until October, you uprooted your life and family because you chose having her in your life over us. And because she did nothing to discourage you and probably encouraged you, she is POISON.

I promise to be the best wife I can to make the best life for my family that I can. But, if I ever get the idea that she is back in your life on any level at all, or that you are doing this again with anybody else, I will take our daughters and leave. I asked you what you would do if DD's husband did this to them - and I have to ask myself what would I expect DDs to do if their husbands did this to them. I will beg and borrow if I have to to make sure that your choice of lifestyle influences them as little as possible. And I will not worry about keeping it a secret. No hesitation.

You had an affair. You have lied to me and treated me terribly for a year. You chose to give your time and resources to her over your children. Maybe it started out as an escape, maybe you were flattered by the attention you were getting and frustrated by your responsibilities, and it's important for you to figure that out.

I think with commitment and counseling we have a strong chance to repair our relationship. I will cuddle with you and sleep with you any time, I will cook you dinners and bake you brownies. I will go to Pint Night every Tuesday. I just don't want you to get complacent and think "all is better!" or get mad at me if I ask you where this $$ went or who's phone number is XX? Things will get better with time, and maybe never 100% again but maybe close. Apparently people go through this every day, and the only cure is hard work from both of us and time. But I want you to be fully aware of the consequences if you do it again. This is a time when TOO BIG TO FAIL is not just a trite phrase.

And, I’m emailing you because I don't want to ruin the little bit of time that we have together while you're on night shift to work on repairing what is broken... And maybe reading this while you're on night shift gives you more time to think and you don't feel as confronted.