Invinceable

[mishka422]

CTH, good question.

I really don't miss living with Gabe. I don't miss his smelly socks, fart bombs in bed, sarcastic put-downs disguised as jokes (he really doesn't see that they hurt even when he is told that they do), and the way he has to have the dishwasher loaded in just one specific way and gets angry when anyone does it 'wrong'.

I do miss the help with the everyday tasks, the tag team in raising our son, the sitting quietly on the porch talking over the day. Those are temporarily back but I don't expect it to continue for long.

Now.....I missed the sex horribly! Not the sex of the last year of our M because that was strained and more like a chore. I didn't understand why at the time but once I found out about the broom it became clear.

I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know how long I can keep my stupid, girly emotions in check but while it lasts I'm going to enjoy it. I did tell my best friend about it because I keep NO SECRETS from her at all. She laughed and said that she was shocked (insert sarcasm here) and appalled to know that I had become such a wanton but she was jealous at the same time.

Truly, I feel like I'm being untrue to my character and that bothers me. I'm still searching for my own answers and being careful to make sure that I don't start having expectations. I will say though, I do find that my jealous nature springs up every time I see him texting. I know it's a woman, I know her first name and I'm pretty sure I know who she is but I don't want to know anything else. There is no reason for me to care. Heck....if I had the opportunity I'd be doing the same thing. I've told you all, I have a romantic nature and need to feel loved and cared for and I know for a fact that I could never feel that from Gabe again even if he tried. There is just too much past damage from him.

So, still at war with myself. Working on it.

Now out to enjoy this beautiful, pollen rich day!