I thought the darker/dimmer period would give me a chance to make sure I really mean the ultimatum and am ready to walk. It's (only) 8 weeks in though it feels like a life time. I'm definitely still on a roller coaster of my own feelings, but also know that I'm not going to do this for too long, whatever that means. Four months total? Six months total? Definitely not more than that.
You can use the consequences as a yardstick. For me I started packing. I started collecting boxes and put all my things away. I also told my wife outright I would not be renewing the term on our mortgage which was due in three months. OM was gone before I was done packing and two months before the mortgage term was due.
You can visibly SHOW you mean BUSINESS by just taking actions that you put forward when yo uconfronted him.
If you tell him you want your marriage but if eh doens't stop you are getting a Lawyer and all that then start finding a lawyer, start collecting business cards, or whatever.
You can ACT on the consequences you confronted him with BEFORE you EXECUTE them. He will see you are DOING something and will SEE the clock is ticking.
