Good going Bill..... You've always been one to get those lists started and keeping to most of them..... Keep up the PMA and all. You sure do make us envious. Oh yeah, and YOU ROCK!!!!! Tootles...............
Hi there Bill, I've been following your thread for around a month now, but was always about a week behind or more so that any response I wanted to make weren't gonna be very timely ... up to now ... Well, at least these fall within the same week ...
Quote: I'd working on twisting the circuits in my head, turning on and off the right switches ...
So Bill ... are you of the older generation that has those dip switches that can be set in thousands of different combinations? They were worse than trying to figure out a combination lock.
... and W wanting to use the master bath again and moving all her bathroom supplies there is for certain a couple of baby steps closer towards moving into the master bedroom. Question tho for clarification ... is it sleeping in the same room or bed that she feels she is not ready for? Since the suggestion of swapping bedrooms didn't make her anymore comfortable? What if you both "camped" out each in their own sleeping bag side by side in the living room (neutral territory) for a couple of nights might help. It might sound kinda silly, but it might take using a little silliness to break the ice for the first time. If she is uncomfortable with the masterbed, them maybe the next step would be to move those sleeping bags onto the master bedroom floor.
Nice list of positives Bill. It could be a neat tool to keep those edgy feelings at bay.
Quote: 4) Although W has been very stressed out about work lately, full of anxiety and self-doubt, I talked through some of this with her. She said that she depends on me for this - I am key in helping her with her struggles.
Of your list, this one struck me the most as being a real benchmark. Its a wonderful sign the the emotional intimacy is being nurtured and is going stronger. This has been one aspect that has been lacking in my M for years and I just don't know how to get it back.
Was was really warm and loving last night, we went out to eat and did just a little shopping with the boys - her suggestion. She wanted to spend time with me, but by the time the boys went to bed we were both just drained. This morning she wanted me and the boys to join her in bed for a big family cuddle.
She was freaking a little bit later - we realized that our garage cabinets were to be delivered this morning and the garage needed to be cleaned out, so I took 45 minutes and moved everything. She was getting frantic, but I stayed calm and took care of it. Just called her too, and she was still frantic (they had arrived, and just the fact that she had to run to the phone annoyed her).
I'm in a place now, though, where I know that W get stressed out, and it's not bothering me. It just is - and I'm staying calm and not reacting to it.
KAW - I'm the same way, it's hard to keep up. Caught up on your thread, and my heart goes out to you. Stay strong, buddy.
Quote: So Bill ... are you of the older generation that has those dip switches that can be set in thousands of different combinations? They were worse than trying to figure out a combination lock.
Depends on what your perspective of "older" is! Heh heh - I do remember having devices with dip switches... when I was twelve... Okay, maybe tells you something about me.
I'm 33 years old, I'm an electrical engineer so it's an easy analagy to think of things as switches, programming register space, transversing state machines, etc.
You know, Karen suggested the camping out thing too - might be cozy, but I know that W values her sleep SO MUCH that she'd fear being uncomfortable and turn it down. Maybe I'll suggest it, though.
We've slept in the same room while on vacation recently; there's a couple of factors, (1) having her own space where she doesn't have to worry about anyone else, and (2) realted to her intimacy issues. We're making baby steps, though, and we're heading in the right direction. Right now I'm satisfied - wow! Patience - where did this come from?
Yeah, my edgy feeling are gone today.
Quote: Of your list, this one struck me the most as being a real benchmark. Its a wonderful sign the the emotional intimacy is being nurtured and is going stronger. This has been one aspect that has been lacking in my M for years and I just don't know how to get it back.
This is a hard one - sometimes I'm good at this and sometimes it doesn't work well at all. It's a mystery to me - I guess an artifact of improved communication and working on intimcay. KAW, this might give you hope - roughy a year ago we had an episode where, in her trying to commincate something that was going wrong, she ended up asking what was wrong with me, was dead inside. Miracles happen.
Well, they're paying me to work, I should get to it (especially since I was an hour late after cleaning up the garage... )
It was so important to my W to have an arbor off the back of the house for shade I've been building it... the stucture is all up and painted, I just need to put the last layer of 2x2s on top. One day, W walks out there and says "This would be a great area for a screened in porch." Now that's all she talks about, all she wants is a screened-in porch.
Here's the latest thing.
W mentioned that she wanted me to plan some vacations. She's done all the vacation planning in the past, and she wanted me to do some. She wanted a vacation for just the two of us over Thanksgiving. I planned two-night trip to Mendocino, north of SF, did a bunch of research, paid for the hotel and all.
Some point later, W says she'd like to go skiiing instead. And it should only be 1 night because she's worried about her mother being able to handle the boys for too long.
Okay. Cancelled the hotel. Did a bunch more researhed. Booked a nice place in South Lake Tahoe.
Yesterday, W says she wants to go for two nights after all. TOday I'm on the phone to expedia.com to change the reservation I made two days ago.
This isn't a big deal, not really that bothersome (I just say "no" if it's too much trouble - like the screened-in porch) - just a pattern that I'm aware of. Almost funny, really.
You guys remember the story with the paint colors, right?
sounds like she is confused about alot of things. sounds like to me she is using things to try to make her happy. she has yet to discover she needs to find happiness within herself
Just slipped into the computer room for a couple of minutes to say hi... I haven't had a lot of alone time at night here the last couple of days because my wife has moved back into the master bedroom!!!
MIL is here as of today, so we're getting into holiday mode. Gotta go - type at y'all later!
Okay, maybe tells you something about me.
