The thing about my husband, whom I do love and don't want to divorce, despite his warts..let me make that MASSIVE warts...is that he will never harm me or challenge me physically or in any threatening way. He will never front up at my door making abusive demands. He is a gentle creature. I'm more pitbull than him. I guess the way he is behaving today is the only way he can hurt me - to abandon me emotionally.
He's a passive aggressive my dear, and they are still bullies, they just do it in a more subtle form.
Originally Posted By: Piano
And now, on the cusp of creating his own... he puts on the running shoes and he's off.
It's what he knows.
Distance and avoidance, escapism, its all destructive behaviour. He may as well be around and be beating you over the head. He's just being passive aggressive...
Is he going to run away when his child needs their diapers changed? When his child gets in trouble at school? When his child is being bullied and needs protection? What about when his child is an adult and the third party in someone ELSE's marriage and is covertly attacking that marriage trying to destroy it so that his child can run away with the wayward spouse?
Is YOUR HUSBAND going to partner up with YOU and GUIDE this child safely through LIFE or his he going to play cat and mouse games with you each time life gets difficult?
You don't need a fairweather husband... if that's his game, then oust him until he grows up and makes a FULL commmitment to do the WORK.
You need a PARENT, not just a fairweather HUSBAND. A GOOD husband is a partner, a partner in parenting.
This guy has been flying solo the whole time. He does what he wants when he wants, and when he's pressured to take on responsability, he runs right?
Is that your idea of a partnership?
It's just passive aggressive behaviour still. He's still doing damage. The idea that he's not overtly physically aggressive is erroneous. You need someone who is NOT aggressive at ALL.. someone who can SPELL cooperation.
This guy wants to play cat and mouse with you and be a father?
Sorry, that game dont' work.. its a TERRIBLE environment for a child... The child will grow up needy and frustrated with him.
Children when born and into their early twenties are DEPENDENTS... but your husband is NOT someone who you can DEPEND ON...
I say cut him out and tell him he has some growing up to do and he isnt' welcome into YOUR family until you are confident he's grown a pair. Get him a business card of a good therapist who can educate him a bit, and then cut him loose.
