Came home early afternoon from work, had nice chat with H, hes pretty down at the moment because he felt job interview thursday didnt go well as he wasnt articulate enough! Also his lease car has to go back as we cant afford it so that is going to make life pretty awful for him not being able to go places, although he can run me to work a couple days a week and use mine!
Well ended up having a bit of fun wink wink and then he mentioned dinner, where did I want to eat it, should he do the dining room table all up, and I replied only problem with that is every time we do that we end up in a deep R talk and I didnt want to do that right now, so he said ok we'd do that still but if was going R way he would change the subject or make me laugh so as to not go down that route.. So of to the pub we go for a drink, Im happy merrily chatting away about work, friends etc and generally having a good time on my one large glass of wine.. H says shall he get us another drink then its his turn to talk, so after coming back with a small glass of wine, he starts to tell me about sis and the why she hasnt talked to me for the last seven years..
Apparently my S did some thing that his female cousin got upset about, rather bottled it up and then it all came spewing out in a rather over dramatised way, we can work out how old he was at this point but approx thirteen and cousin would have been ten. Anyway instead of telling me about it and me bashing S over the head to get to the bottom of it and making him apologise to his cousin, no she uses the next time my parents arnt talking to her and me saying some thing jest about it to slam the phone down on me and not answer my calls.. Therefore leaving me feeling like I was in the wrong.. this is the sis (well the only one) that has got me into trouble for years by lying her head off..
So slightly squiffed DB me says to H well she had till easter to make some effort and she didnt, and while I validate her for telling H why so counted that as some effort it was to the wrong person.. and honestly whilst I totally understand her backing her daughter I still think its a load of BS using it as an excuse. So by this point a very emotional me asks to go home..
Ok not wise move I downed another glass of wine and ate dinner.. we had been talking about making time for each other before and how we were gonna get round doing that especially when H is back at work, this weekend he is away all weekend again, and ok apart from this sis faux pas he really tried to make a nice evening for us both and left me with lots of nice little bits over the weekend. So some how we get onto the weekend of our WA and he says what I hate is not doing some thing on the grounds of we want to be together and I end up being left alone doing nothing! So I sorta let rip and asked what the hell he thought we were gonna celebrate, we dont wear rings, we dont mention being married even though we are etc etc.. by this point I just couldnt cope anymore so went upstairs and got into bed.. I was so tired and a little pickled and just wanted out.. Half hour later H comes up a bit surprised Im almost asleep he expected me to come down again.. big 180 I dont wanna fight just sleep, so he comes to bed, feeds me chocolate he'd bought and cuddled me to sleep..
Morning comes awoke early and he asks for cuddle, I just let him, didnt really want to give anything this morning apart from the fact I still wanted sleep.. He toddles off to get ready for his weekend, does all the house chores bless him and comes back up with a coffee.. He takes my not being able to put into words about sis and my head spinning when he thinks Im making too much of it all to mean Im sulking because hes going away for three days, so starts to walk off in a huff! LR's proudest moment... Call him back and said "H I am not sulking because you are going, yes I will miss you and yes I will miss my cuddles, but you just huffed off outta your own guilt for dumping this all on me and leaving me with it all weekend, so dont use me as an excuse to huff off" Big smile from H guess who caught him out and put the huff firmly back on his shoulders to carry.. as he left I'd promised to get my feelings about sis into some sorta order but tbh I cant seem to do it.. I just feel that H and I were a team, my family caused so many rows when we got together it was a bit them and us agaisnt them.. now I dont trust sis anymore than I can throw her and I dont know what he is sharing with her, she feels like an OW to me even though I know she's not.. I just wish I could get my head round this one and make it make sense to H but Im not sure I can even if I can make sense of it to me that it will make sense to H.. Really need some help on that one if some one has their councilling head on lol!
Sorry for the long ramble, thank you and hugs if you got to the bottom of this all!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
